Satan has been approached about playing Rebekah Vardy but he said it would damage his reputation. Her jawline will be played by a breezeblock, which she’ll then drop on her foot in another act of self-inflicted stupidity.
In Friday’s trial verdict which just kept on giving, Mrs Justice Steyn picked up on Rebekah’s self-deception, which made her forget we’d all watched her being generally horrible on I’m a Celebrity and would therefore believe she deep-fried kittens if Coleen Rooney had suggested it.
In fact, the accusation of flogging stories on Rooney was possibly one of the nicer things you could say about Vardy.
The one aspect of the sorry story that’s never been fully explained is why? She doesn’t need the money, and the touted £3 million legal bill will only slightly dent the shoe budget from her rich footballer husband.
Any payments from The Sun would barely have kept her in cappuccinos so we can only assume the reward was putting the boot into her ‘friends’. What a class act.
When the public chose to put the boot into Rebekah following Coleen Rooney’s Instagram sting, she cried foul over the online abuse.
From a woman who publicly humiliated Peter Andre by lying about the size of his penis and called Coleen a c***, it took irony to new levels.
From the start she’d had to admit that her agent Caroline Watt had leaked the stories about Rooney, but Watt’s phone mysteriously fell into the North Sea and Rebekah’s incriminating WhatsApp messages were lost in a technical glitch. The judge didn’t believe that either in a legal ruling known as ‘do I look stupid?’
That gave the trial one of its best moments when Vardy was told the phone was in Davy Jones’ locker. Rebekah said she didn’t know Davy Jones, but if she did, she’d have flogged stories about him too.
She’d already sold nuggets on husband Jamie’s teammates, hawked pictures with fellow WAGs and abused FA officials after moving seats at matches to be photographed behind Coleen.
The ultimate self-deception was that Rebekah took the libel case because she felt she had a reputation to defend.
While Coleen has emerged from the three-year legal fight looking honest, dogged and principled, Vardy is about to learn that being rich, thick and mean is a losing combination.