Stefanie Preissner says first months with new baby were ‘the worst’ in her life

The writer has been candid about the struggles she faces as a mum who is autistic, admitting she does not feel guilty for finding the first few months of her daughter’s life “really, really hard.”

"Everyone will say, ‘Oh, enjoy the new-born snuggles. It goes so fast.’ It does go fast. But for some people, that’s a lifesaver,” she told RSVP Magazine.

"I did not enjoy the first three months of her life. And I won’t feel guilty for that because it doesn’t change how much I love her, but it was really, really hard."

She added: “All I ever wanted was for the baby to arrive. And the first three months that she was here were the worst three months of my life.

"I missed my old life so much. It’s really hard for me.

"Obviously I have an autistic brain but I think a lot of people find it hard to hold two conflicting facts in your mind at the same time. Yes, this is what I wanted. And yes, it is awful."

The new mum admitted she is “grieving” her old routines while also “loving the child that’s sucking the life out of me.”

“As an autistic person, I need things to be routine and regimented. I need to have a plan for the day. And so I find it really difficult if I’m expecting Aurora to sleep from nine to 10, and she wakes up at 9.30,” she said.

Stefanie has been open about her journey to motherhood in the past, including enduring five miscarriages over two years before welcoming baby Aurora last September.

She told RSVP Magazine that the new routine was difficult to adjust to, saying: “My brain isn’t good at adjusting the plan and changing her bottles and changing the feeds.

"And that has really made me feel not good enough. After a while that really gets in on you.

"But the team at the hospital have been great, helping me to plan because I need to know as much as possible, I can’t really cope with the unknown.

"And a lot of pregnancy and new babies is unknown. So I’m in therapy twice a week in the hospital to help me with that and just coming up with different strategies for managing the days.

"The first 12 weeks were hard. I’m on medication now and it’s much easier."