Not all Rosie | 

Rosanna Davison admits she feels ‘a bit lost’ as a mum

"It's such a weird complex feeling where I really like my life now and love being a mum but I've forgotten who used to be and what I used to like what to do."

Model and author, Rosanna Davison with daughter Sophia who was born via surrogacy. Photo: Instagram

Maeve McTaggartSunday World

Rosanna Davison has opened up on “feeling lost in motherhood,” admitting she thinks she has “lost her identity” since becoming a mum.

The former Miss World has often been candid about her and her husband Wes Quirke’s complicated journey to becoming a parent.

Her eldest child Sophia (3) was born through surrogacy a year before Rosanna became pregnant with her “miracle” twin boys, Hugo and Oscar.

She has previously told how she suffered a heartbreaking 15 miscarriages before her sons were born.

The mum-of-three has now told Instagram followers that she struggles “with feeling lost in motherhood.”

"Being a mum is my favourite job in the world,” she said, adding that her and her husband’s journey has not been an easy one.

"But something that I was determined to avoid when I became a mum was losing my own self identity or forgetting who I used to be.

"But I found that over the past couple of years - that has happened.”

She added: "The funny thing is I've almost forgotten who I used to be but I much prefer the person that I am now.”

Rosanna said she feels a lot more selfless – and her first thought is always with her kids.

"But what scares me is losing who I used to be to the point now say if Wes told me 'Take the day off tomorrow and do exactly what you want to do', I kind of wouldn't know what to do."

Rosanna said her life mainly “revolves” around the home and she has had to make sacrifices to make that happen.

"I used to travel all the time for work. I've had to sacrifice a lot of the events I used to go to and the things I used to do.

"And that's fine, it's only for a few years and I want to be there for my babies when they're small.”

She continued: "I have two-year-old twins at home so I don't get to go that far...

"It's such a weird complex feeling where I really like my life now and love being a mum but I've forgotten who used to be and what I used to like what to do."

She added: "It's just this sense of being lost and this loss of purpose. Obviously my purpose at the moment is to bring up my children.

"I used to be so career focused. It's odd to take a back seat from that.

"But saying that I'm really lucky - I've a great support system and a hands-on husband.

"But I just wanted to express the really odd feeling of losing yourself yet being happy and content and really like the new version of yourself."

Rosanna has recently been open about her surrogacy experience, confessing the idea “horrified” her at first.

Speaking to Newstalk’s Life and Leadership podcast, Rosanna explained that she found it difficult to think about another woman carrying her child in Kiev, Ukraine.

“I was really grappling with the idea of another woman being pregnant with my child thousands of miles away,” she said.

“I felt horrified at the beginning of another woman having my pregnancy, so I just felt it would be easier to take the human relationship element out of it and follow the commercial surrogacy side.”

The 38-year-old said that she and Wes opted not to have a relationship with their surrogate Anastasia, choosing to only receive updates about the baby’s condition.

“Every couple of weeks we got the scan results in, it was all I was interested in, was the baby’s growth and development. Obviously, I had, and still do have enormous gratitude for Anastasia and everything she has done for our family,” she said.

“She stepped in when we needed her most and gave us a baby, but I did find it difficult to imagine her carrying my baby over there.”

Rosanna later asked for a picture of Anastasia when she reached the 20-week milestone.

“She had sent over through the agency a picture of her showing the baby bump, and I just remember feeling such sadness that I wasn’t carrying this child. That my body wasn’t able to create this life."

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