Bend it like Beckham | 

Deirdre Reynolds: Victoria Beckham's 'curve' ball is a fat lot of good

Posh - famed for eating the same grilled fish and steamed vegetable dinner for the past 25 years - said: "It's an old-fashioned attitude, wanting to be really thin"

Victoria Beckham

Deirdre Reynolds

So Victoria Beckham has decreed that "curvy" is the new "thin."

In other news, Elon Musk this week took a vow of poverty, the Pope could be heard to chant "nam-myoho-renge-kyo" and Madonna was papped on a date with an older man.

Posh - famed for eating the same grilled fish and steamed vegetable dinner for the past 25 years in order to maintain her slimline figure - told Grazia: "It's an old-fashioned attitude, wanting to be really thin.

"I think women today want to look healthy, and curvy. They want to have some boobs - and a bum."

But don't bin those granny pants or abandon the portion control just yet, ladies.

Confoundingly, the star was actually promoting her new line of shapewear when she praised the body positivity of voluptuous American women, continuing: "They walk along Miami beach with not a lot of clothes on, and they look fantastic. They show their bodies off with such confidence."

What a pity then that her VB Body range only goes up to a size 18, just barely catering for the plus-size market, which now includes the average Irish woman at size 16.

Unlike most sucky-in garments, designed to be imperceptible under sprayed-on clothes, the sculpting collection of dresses, leggings and skirts, ranging in price from €105 to €770 are made to be shown off - and the 48 year-old's messaging seems to be just as inside out.

Ever since the ancient Greeks tied leather around their waists to disguise their guts, shapewear has been all about conforming to the beauty standards of the day.

Spanx, launched in the US in 2000, made ironing out lumps and bumps a little easier for both men and women.

And the self-love movement has since done little to flatten the curve of a global market tipped to be worth €3.5 billion by 2028.

Entrepreneur Victoria isn't the first A-lister to want to have their cake and spit it out too by repackaging body consciousness as body confidence.

Kim Kardashian - a woman who recently admitted to shedding 16lbs in three weeks to squeeze into Marilyn Monroe's 'naked dress' - came out with multi-billion shapewear brand Skims in 2019.

While Lizzo - whose whole schtick is loving your body as it is - launched 'size-inclusive' label Yitty, running to a 6X, earlier this year.

I'm confused - are we meant to be sucking it in or letting it all hang out now?

Like Bridget Jones, I'll be the first to admit I love my "absolutely enormous panties", and practically live in Spanx leggings.

But I'm under no illusion that they're designed to make me look and feel slimmer - not embrace my bulgy bits.

It's frankly too much to expect from a pair of spandex knickers to both empower women to celebrate their curves AND smooth out their cellulite.

And it's a big fat lie for stick-thin celebrities like Victoria to try to convince us otherwise.

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