silence is golden | 

Deirdre Reynolds: Crass Peter Andre comments come back to bite Rebekah Vardy

The 'Wagatha Christie' trial had us all reaching for the Sky remote control this week - for more than one reason
Rebekah Vardy

Rebekah Vardy

Deirdre Reynolds

The 'Wagatha Christie' trial had us all reaching for the Sky remote control this week - for more than one reason.

Footballer's wife Rebekah Vardy's libel suit against Coleen Rooney kicked off in London on Tuesday - filling the dirty laundry-shaped hole left by week-long recess in the Depp vs Heard case Stateside.

And it wasn't "long" before the world's most famous Insta-spat took a turn for the salacious as the WAG's previous unflattering comments about Peter Andre's manhood were dredged up in the UK's High Court.

Quizzed as to whether she respects people's privacy, Vardy was reminded of the time she compared the singer's penis to a "miniature chipolata" in a kiss-and-tell interview with a British tabloid - and the Aussie's subsequent comeback that it was more akin to a "Sky remote control" - leaving one burning question: what the f*** is a chipolata?

Prior to the trial, it was hard to imagine the long-running bust-up, involving a gender selection fake news story, online sting operation and mobile phone lost at sea, getting any more bonkers.

Aside from prompting us all to delete our WhatsApp history - pronto - the day-one lowlight aroused online debate about double standards over jokes about men's "trouser equipment", as the complainant once put it.

Peter Andre

Peter Andre

Although he's previously made light of the slur, as recently as Tuesday night joking about how people had seen for themselves how the "acorn had turned into an oak" on reality show I'm a Celebrity, dad-of-four Peter has since revealed how being the long-running "butt of the joke" has truly affected him.

Opening up on Instagram, the 49-year-old confessed: "Fifteen years this has been going on and I kept quiet and I didn't say anything and I let everyone have their laugh.

"I've been laughing about it for a while, but think about how it would feel if it was the other way round, and that's all I'm saying... if a man had said this about her anatomy and made up something, you can use your imagination, saying something very unflattering, there would be absolute outrage."

Privately, of course, we know these conversations do go on.

An entire vaginal rejuvenation industry - including eye-watering procedures like labiaplasty, vaginoplasty and clitoral hood reduction - has grown alongside the microscopic scrutiny of women's bodies over the years.

Sure doesn't Ireland even have its very own crass "sausage up O'Connell Street" putdown.

But I take his point that, apart from comedian Larry David who has famously joked about "big vagina women" on Curb Your Enthusiasm, few would have the cojones to put it on the record.

So why - from Pete Davidson's 'Big Dick Energy' to Jonn Hamm's 'Hammaconda' - is the male anatomy considered fair game?

Had I bedded the former teen idol like Vardy, and not just met him, to be fair, I'd probably be bragging about it too.

After admitting that she "deeply regrets" the below-the-belt jibe though, it's a lesson to all ladies that sometimes it's better to exercise your right to remain silent - and be mysterious, girl.

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