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photo fail Khloé Kardashian had a brilliant opportunity this week to urge women of all ages to love their lumpy bits

"When it comes to our image, we women don’t need anonymous online trolls calling us ‘fat’ or ‘old’ – we’re perfectly capable of doing it ourselves, thank you very much."

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Khloe Kardashian and sister Kourtney are no strangers to media attention

Khloe Kardashian and sister Kourtney are no strangers to media attention

Khloe Kardashian posts a selfie

Khloe Kardashian posts a selfie

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Khloe Kardashian and sister Kourtney are no strangers to media attention

DURING the week, I was chatting to a friend on the phone when the conversation inevitably got round to the effects of lockdown on our looks.

First, there was the pandemic pounds, and the accompanying wobbly bits, stretch marks and cellulite to worry about.

Then, there were the grey roots and split ends as our beloved hair salons remain shuttered.

And that was before we even got around to the abandoned bikini lines, panda eyes and ‘maskne’.

By the end of the call, I wasn’t sure whether it was a woman or a Yeti on the other end of the line, and vice versa, as we bid to out-ugly each other.

When it comes to our image, we women don’t need anonymous online trolls calling us ‘fat’ or ‘old’ – we’re perfectly capable of doing it ourselves, thank you very much.

Just ask Khloé Kardashian, who this week hit headlines after reportedly trying to get an unedited bikini pic scrubbed from the internet.

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Khloe Kardashian posts a selfie

Khloe Kardashian posts a selfie

Khloe Kardashian posts a selfie

The refreshingly natural photo of the reality TV star chilling out by the pool in an animal print string bikini went viral after being shared on social media by a personal assistant last weekend.

But you’ll just have to imagine what it looks like as the 36-year-old’s team has since invoked copyright laws in an effort to stop it from being shared.

Despite the overwhelmingly positive reaction to the snap, touch-up queen Khloé somehow managed to play the victim as her reps scrambled to put the toothpaste back in the tube.

Replying to the storm in a D-cup with a near-nude video (as you do), the mum-of-one argued that while the photo was “beautiful”, she had the right to demand it be taken down.

Blaming “the public” for her insecurities, she further moaned: “In truth, the pressure, constant ridicule and judgement my entire life to be perfect and to meet other’s standards of how I should look has been too much to bear.

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“‘Khloé is the fat sister.’ ‘Khloé is the ugly sister.’ ‘The only way she could have lost that weight must have been from surgery.’ Should I go on?”

Please don’t, Khloé – because that is such a steaming pile of crap I can’t take any more.

As one fifth of the permanently HD-ready Kardashian-Jenner sisters, social media influencer Khloé is the literal poster girl for today’s impossible beauty standards for women.

Over the years, she has peddled sucky-in knickers, diet tea, waist trainers, fake tan, teeth whitener, anti-cellulite arse cream – among other things – to her 136m Instagram followers.

With an estimated €34m in the bank, the only thing she’s a victim of is her own success.

Now, as a woman in her thirties, I know better than to compare myself to a human Facetune app.

For the iPhone generation of young girls, however, raised on glossy online images of flawlessly filtered skin and digitally shrunken waists, it’s not quite so simple.

Body-positive activists Kate Upton and Jameela Jamil are just two of those who urged the star to use the leak as a springboard to stop editing snaps so heavily and promote self-acceptance – and I agree.

Khloé had a brilliant opportunity this week to urge women of all ages to love their lumpy (or even not-so-lumpy) parts.

By instead vowing to continue editing her photos, she’s part of the problem – not the solution.

Tesco’s ‘dead mam lamb’ ad is getting a lot of stick on Twitter

The 60-second telly slot shows a middle-aged man (right) rustling up a roast lamb while listening to a cassette tape of his mother, who’s presumably deader than the rack of meat, reciting the recipe for ‘Mam’s lamb ’95’.

Honestly, it doesn’t irk me as much as Voda-fowne’s latest exercise in vowel-squeezing.

Although the fact that the useless fecker can’t remember how to make the lamb on his own after almost quarter of a century is perhaps a better ad for the supermarket’s microwave dinners.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Hollywood racism!

Bridgerton star Regé-Jean Page (below) this week responded to reports he was turned down for the role of Superman’s grandad in TV series Krypton because he’s black.

It came after a spokesperson for DC Films co-founder Geoff Johns denied he had vetoed the casting because Superman “could not have a black grandfather”, as claimed, but rather that viewers would expect the character “to look like a young Henry Cavill”, who played the superhero on the big screen in 2016.

Replying to the controversy, the 31-year-old – who’s now hot favourite to become the first black Bond – tweeted: “Hearing about these conversations hurts no less now than it did back then … Still we do the work. We still fly.”

Don’t worry, Regé-Jean – you’ll always be a super man to me.

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