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Will I tell son his dad is gay?

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Having a loving dad is what matters.

Having a loving dad is what matters.

Having a loving dad is what matters.

Dear Maura: My husband is gay but we married because he wanted what he called a 'normal' family - his words, not mine. His parents are very set in their ways and he would never do anything to hurt them. He thinks if they knew that it would alienate them.

He's an only child. We have a son who is 10. I'm very happy and so is my husband. This situation works for us and that's all that matters. But I'm anxious about our son. He will need to know, or will he, about his dad? They spend so much time together and have a very close bond. I would like him to have a similar connection with me.

What I'm trying to say is that our child is growing up and he may have questions we don't know how to answer. Then again, he may go through life and not think anything of his family other than we are just that, his family. I'm overthinking a subject that never fully came into my mind before this because there was no reason. There still isn't except that I'm imagining questions from our boy at some point. I'm worried what he could think of us.

Answer: Overthinking can lead us into all sorts of corners where everything gets magnified and we see no way out. Remember that you are a very happy family and your child has grown up in a very caring and supportive home.

The problem is the 'secret', as I feel you are now describing your husband's sexuality to yourself. At this point he sees his dad as just that - a man he loves, who loves him and clearly there is a wonderful relationship there. My advice for both of you is to talk to a professional therapist for guidance. Once these thoughts have begun to take hold you will need to discuss them with your husband and contact a supportive service together.

My fella doesn’t care that I’m vegan

Dear Maura: I've been vegan for four years and everyone who knows me is aware of how strongly I feel about my decision. However, my boyfriend of one year is not exactly on the same page.

He continues to eat his steaks barely cooked and his bacon-loaded breakfast without even making any reference to me and my belief that we don’t need to eat animal flesh.

But I do love him. Everyone is telling me that he’s entitled to make his own decision, but surely his choice of practically raw steaks is basically a lack of respect for me and what I feel strongly about. I’m 26 and at an age where I don’t feel like compromising.

Answer: Love isn’t cutting it for you. Here you have this meat-eating boyfriend who knows that you are a vegan, yet gnaws unselfconsciously into a bloody steak. Something isn’t right here.

But I can’t understand why a passionate young woman like yourself is taking any more time to think about this situation. Get rid of him. You write that you don’t want compromise but that’s exactly part of the dynamic here if you tolerate his habits. This is not working for you.

 

Email your problems to:

  • Dr Angela Brokmann dr.angela@sundayworld.com
  • Maura O’Neill maura.oneill@sundayworld.com

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