Between boosters, Barra and Mr Big, I’m not the better for it – and that was just December.
Now I know I shouldn’t be complaining to someone who spends 364 days a year locked-down in the North Pole with the Mrs, and who, at 1,750 years-old, is still expected to pull a night shift on Christmas Eve (suddenly a retirement age of 68 doesn’t seem so bad).
But, after another 12 months of ‘workleisure’, ‘pandemicures’ and ‘isodating’, I think we all deserve to be on your nice list this year.
Well, except of ‘Corrs’, for celebrities who spread anti-vaxx codology on social media, mask-wearers who went ‘nose commando’, and frankly – after this week – ‘Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?’ TikTok dance enabler Rod Stewart is skating on thin ice too.
What I’m trying to say is, like 2020 before it, 2021 really was a load of baubles.
Worldwide, there were race riots, school shootings, new variants, wildfires, tornadoes…
On the bright side, it was also the year that Keeping Up with the Kardashians was axed.
And at least everyone has stopped going on about ‘unprecedented times’, because not even Lil Nas X lapdancing for the devil in the most liked music video of the year shocks us anymore.
Good and bad, over the past 12 months, our timelines have been crammed tighter than the Suez Canal in March.
Britney was freed and Derek Chauvin locked up.
William Shatner was shot into space while Donald Trump came back down to earth.
Harry and Meghan spilled all on Oprah as Prince Andrew continued to say nothing at all.
Little Mix split up and Abba and Bennifer got back together.
Friends also reunited while Kim and Kanye – sorry, Ye – turned out not to be each other’s lobsters after all.
Who could blame Joe Biden for taking a nano nap from it all at Cop26 or his rescue dog, Major, from nipping not one, but two people, at the White House, for that matter.
Perhaps Miss Universe thought we wouldn’t even notice when it slyly reintroduced the lechy bikini round at the pageant won by Miss India Harnaaz Sandhu earlier this month.
Nevermind – the hottest two-piece of the year was Bernie Sanders’ inauguration mittens, closely followed by a Squid Game tracksuit at Halloween.
The world sadly waved goodbye to Larry King, Prince Philip, Dustin Diamond, Anne Rice and Helen McCrory among others; and tried to forget Marilyn Manson, Sia, Armie Hammer, Chrissy Teigan and all their fellow celebrities cancelled for one reason or another in 2021.
At one point, I thought you were going to get cancelled yourself, Nick, after flashing your Covid passport in that Tesco Christmas ad.
On which note, any chance of another glorious six-hour global Facebook and Instagram outage over the holidays?
If nothing else, it would save Conor McGregor from having to delete his
At least the women in green – Kellie Harrington, Rachael Blackmore and Ellen Keane, to name just a few – continued to do us proud in 2021.
With just five days to go, good luck figuring out what to put in your sack for Elon Musk this December 24 after he leapfrogged Jeff Bezos to become the richest man in the world.
Garth Brooks tickets and a box of antigen tests, maybe?
As for me, I’m just hoping for a relaxing, Covid-free Christmas this Saturday.
Oh, who am I kidding? Bring a copy of Adele’s comeback album and a bottle of gin – and don’t forget to sanitise your hands.
PS, Did Deermuid the reindeer ever make it back home?