Liz Truss already looks as if she can’t quite co-ordinate all her limbs. It turns out she can’t co-ordinate a rational thought either.
Who knew it would only be a few weeks before we’d think Boris Johnson’s dishevelled Ken doll wasn’t really that bad after all?
I know he buggered up the Covid response, has the morals of a lecherous rat and took money freely from his rich cronies.
But he managed not to entirely tank the UK economy by sanctioning a ‘mini-budget’ which gave a handout to hard-up millionaires when we’re already paying the Covid bill for the next few generations.
The best analysis I heard for their growth policy was reassuring someone who’s stuck down a hole that you’re investing in rope.
Liz and Kwasi weren’t just being ridiculously generous and a bit reckless with their growth plan. They went to Vegas and put everything including your house and my pension on red.
I freely admit to knowing next to nothing about economics but when the Chancellor can’t even show the working out of his sums there’s something wrong.
He’s promised to tell us how he’s paying for the most lavish budget since Mariah Carey cut her monthly flower bill to $100,000 by the end of November.
That’s plenty of time to hoke for some loose change down the back of the sofa or at least organise a payday loan, and tell anyone on benefits they need to stop scrounging, because all those people struggling to live on a few hundred quid a month are clearly why the pound plunged, the mortgage market went into freefall and pensions had to be saved by the Bank of England.
Some loyal Tory diehards were sent out to claim there is a global financial meltdown, the dollar’s really strong and it’s all the fault of disgruntled Remainers who rigged the economy to shake on its foundations, but they could barely keep a straight face.
Cue Liz the head girl who’s just remembered she’s Prime Minister, doing a round of interviews and a terrible impression of Talking Barbie stuck on ‘energy price cap’, ‘acting decisively’, and ‘let’s go shopping’.
She must have been delighted to get some questions about the deathly dull Protocol to shift attention away from her staggering incompetence.
In the face of outrage from everyone, Sammy Wilson was the lone voice fangirling over the Chancellor, but his grasp of figures is as good as his responsible stance on Covid.
So seriously Boris, come back all is forgiven. At least he’d be entertainingly bonkers while we fight the cat for the cat food.