Roisin Gorman: ‘It was all aboard the Paddywagon in the White House’

In the most low-key of invitations, Rishi Sunak was only in America to chat about nuclear submarines when Joe (inset) took him up on a half-hearted ‘you must pop by’.

And Joe’s not just doing a hen night in Temple Bar. He’s hoping to do the full Northern Ireland experience to coincide with the 25th anniversary celebrations for the Good Friday Agreement.

“25 years? It seems like yesterday,” said the President, unfortunately reminding us that he’s prone to senior moments like quoting Seamus Heaney’s famous ‘there was an old man from Bellaghy…’

But he’s hugely proud of his roots, declaring previously that ‘I may be Irish but I’m not stupid’. It’s always good to insult your thick Paddy hosts before settling into the spare room.

That sound of quiet rage is Taoiseach Leo Varadkar fuming he was nowhere to be seen for this moment of international statesmanship.

He had to make do with an off-colour joke and immediate apology about Bill Clinton’s hands-on approach with young interns, a masterclass in blowing your big moment, which was just what Bill said to the interns.

Republican speaker Kevin McCarthy (not that kind of republican) kept the Paddwhackery going with ‘a true Irishman never passes up a good fight’. Do they think The Banshees of Inisherin is a documentary?

It could have caused outrage until Chief Constable Simon Byrne, who was also inexplicably in the US, said extra officers would have to be drafted in for Joe’s visit in case things kick off.

He wasn’t here for the G8 summit a decade ago when so many extra police were brought in it would have been cheaper to give us all our own bespoke cop.

Meanwhile it was business as usual across the pond as Friends of Sinn Féin took out a series of ads in US newspapers calling for a border poll, in a country where most people couldn’t find Ireland on a map of Ireland.

And Jeffrey Donaldson insisted he wasn’t under pressure in Washington to accept the Windsor Framework. Well it might make Northern Ireland the centre of trading excellence and massively boost the economy and our standard of living but where do we put our flag?

Then he trooped off to celebrate St Paddy’s Day. If he appeared at a St Patrick’s parade here, we’d faint, but across the Atlantic he’s just another good ole Irish boy.