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Set her free Pop queen Britney Spears is more regulated than guns in US

Britney had a breakdown over a decade ago and she still can’t meet her mates for a coffee.

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Britney Spears

Britney Spears

Britney Spears

Britney Spears is better regulated than guns in America.

Her fellow citizens can take some comfort from that fact. You never know when the 39-year-old might let rip with some sassy dance moves and smudged mascara.

The singer’s court testimony last week, asking to be released from 13 oppressive years of conservatorship suggests she’s been living in a live-action version of The Handmaid’s Tale, just with better hair.

Drugged against her will with lithium and kept sterile against her will with a coil she can’t have removed, it also had a splash of Big Brother.

Except her controller is Big Daddy Jamie, who’s had a say in his daughter’s fertility for over a decade. I’m as trailer trash as the next person but that makes Deliverance look like Downton Abbey.

I assume if Britney became a baby-maker she’d stop being a money-maker and daddy needs new gator shoes.

Despite being well enough to perform at her Vegas residencies, world tours and two seasons of X Factor, Britney has been told for 13 years she’s not able to make the most basic of decisions, and she’s had to pay for the privilege.

When her father released a contrite statement about his concern for his daughter via his solicitor, Britney was paying for the solicitor.

When her management team told her they’d sue her if she didn’t perform in Vegas, she was paying them too, and the conservator who replaced her dad two years ago, and the rehab unit she didn’t need which cost $60,000 a month.

In fact, I may have to invoice her myself because that’s clearly how it works.

The singer, one of the most successful in history, with 100 million record sales, gave heart-breaking testimony that she has to change in front of her staff (also on the payroll), isn’t allowed to drive, or to be driven by her boyfriend of five years, who she wants to marry, but isn’t allowed to.

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It’s well known that this legal arrangement started after her world famous meltdown – who hasn’t wanted to beat a car with an umbrella? – but concern for her mental health has now translated into a court-approved imprisonment and it’s hard not to wonder if being a woman has anything to do with it.

Kanye West has had similar public meltdowns because of his mental ill health. He gets to run for President and have a God complex.

Britney had a breakdown over a decade ago and she still can’t meet her mates for a coffee.

There was a flash in last week’s testimony of the self-belief that made her a pop icon when she described choregraphing dance moves in Vegas saying, “I wasn’t good – I was great.”

That spirit, and for the love of God her ovaries, needs to be set free.

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