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Church row Michael D and Jeffrey should both know better than to cause Mass hysteria

The President is usually at the front of the queue for a bit of reconciliation.

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President Michael D Higgins. Picture by Maxwells

President Michael D Higgins. Picture by Maxwells

President Michael D Higgins. Picture by Maxwells

I haven’t seen this much of a row over not going to Mass since I was caught smoking out the back of the chapel.

Irish president Michael D Higgins has had a bit of a hissy fit over a church service which has now been blown up into a constitutional crisis by Sir Jeffrey.

The DUP leader claims Higgins’ decision not to attend the gig to mark Northern Ireland’s centenary and partition is ‘back to the old days’.

It’s like being lectured on Covid funeral etiquette by Michelle O’Neill.

I nearly coughed up a lung when he told a radio interview of his sorrow that we had to talk about this subject when there are more important things going on.

Would those important things include threats to collapse Stormont?

Jeffrey is deeply disappointed that the Irish President’s decision is a blow to ‘hope and reconciliation’.

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DUP leader Sir Jeffrey Donaldson has criticised the president’s decision (Peter Morrison/PA)

DUP leader Sir Jeffrey Donaldson has criticised the president’s decision (Peter Morrison/PA)

DUP leader Sir Jeffrey Donaldson has criticised the president’s decision (Peter Morrison/PA)

That’s the same Daniel O’Donnell sound-alike who was urged to dial down the rhetoric over potential Protocol-related trouble on the streets a few days ago.

And he’s adamant that his party’s threatened non-attendance at any future meetings of north-south bodies is a completely different kettle of British sausages.

Meanwhile, the Queen just wants to know does she need to pick a dress or not.

Michael D is usually at the front of the queue for a bit of reconciliation but feels that a church service to mark the partition of his country is a handshake too far.

When you’re having a divorce party do you expect your ex to turn up with flowers and champagne?

One minute he was asked to a church service and the next minute it’s a religious hooley for partition. That’s political with an enormous P.

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I don’t think he’s denying the existence of Northern Ireland as a state, or more importantly our superior Tayto crisps, but he just doesn’t want to shout about it.

And there hasn’t exactly been a queue of unionist politicians going the other way to mark Ireland’s beginnings as a new country, in the spirit of hope and reconciliation.

The President really seems to have got his pants in a wedgie about how he was addressed on the invitation to the Armagh service. He’s not the President of the Republic of Ireland, he’s the President of Ireland. That’s what happens when you ask Wikipedia.

But he does have an absolutely genuine excuse for not turning up.

He’s double booked that day with the Statistical and Social Inquiry Association of Ireland at his official residence, and those lads know how to party.

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