Open letter It's hard to feel too sorry for Kim Kardashian when she's already planning her next reality show
The least surprising news of 2021 is that Kimye are over.
It would also have been the least surprising news in any of the six years since they got married.
It turns out there were just too many Ks in the Kardashians and one of them had to go.
The couple have now asked for their privacy to make a reality TV show and a new album, which is half true.
The last series of Keeping Up With The Kardashians will suck a little more IQ out of the world from March 18, so no prizes for guessing the storyline.
Kim timed the filing of divorce papers with a teasing four-week gap until the show starts, and then filmed herself in her new Skims range looking resolutely unheartbroken.
The wedding ring was also pictured off, on and then the images were deleted which was enough to spark decoding efforts by fans that were worthy of the Enigma code-breakers.
Mostly divorces are messy, sad and full of regrets but sometimes they're also a final season's worth of crying prettily through waterproof mascara.
If Kanye chooses to go full Adele he has several albums worth of angst to work with, just with more expensive trainers.
I can't be a complete cynic and must assume at some stage they were more than just a power couple bonding their brands for the benefit of their bank accounts.
Their combined assets are valued at just over the $2billion mark, so that's a lot of bonding.
They were blessed with little North, Saint, Chicago and Psalm, names which I can rhyme off easier than European capitals, so surely there was mutual affection beyond her selfie life and his perma frown.
I've seen Victoria Beckham smile more often than Kanye flashes his gnashers, and both look like they need practice.
Who knew that when the bimbette famous for an ass and a sex tape met the mega famous, uber-successful rapper he would end up being the himbette to her rising star as a lawyer, brand owner, TV star and emoji queen.
On paper he's worth more, with a billion-dollar income from his Yeezy brand of truly ugly shoes, and a new collaboration with Gap which promises more shades from the mud family than we knew existed. It's the living embodiment of the emperor's new clothes, with hoodies.
In reality he's a deeply troubled soul who could do with an arm around his shoulder, a family who love him and friends who can gently tell him when he needs help.
His behaviour has been kindly described as erratic and clinically diagnosed as bipolar disorder.
While other people who live with the condition have the benefit of anonymity and hopefully support, Kanye has a relentless public spotlight and clearly no one to help him - least of all a reality star wife - when he's unwell.
After Kim's Paris robbery, his decision to have liposuction and a subsequent dependence on opioids, Kanye suffered a breakdown in 2017, or season 13 in Kardashian time.
His mental ill-health has had nowhere to hide since, with his proclamation that 400 years of slavery "sounds like a choice", an unwise decision to run for US president and an on-stage announcement that the couple considered aborting baby North.
Britney Spears must look on with bafflement that all she did was shave her head and beat up a wing mirror to earn decades of guardianship while Kanye oversees an empire.
At least the Kimye divorce is rumoured to be civilised and life away from the Ks might prove to be a happier place for him.
But I still reserve the right to dislike Yeezy.
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