"What a previously-unimaginable nightmare of a four years it has been since the reality TV star and failed businessman Donald Trump somehow guided his overweight orange arse* all the way to the most powerful chair in the world," writes Daragh Keany.
What a previously-unimaginable nightmare of a four years it has been since the reality TV star and failed businessman Donald Trump somehow guided his overweight orange arse* all the way to the most powerful chair in the world.
But we can all now breathe a sigh of relief as the light at the end of the tunnel is shining VERY bright right now. And there is more than a hint of emerald green to the shade.
Biden’s inauguration on Wednesday will somehow weirdly be as powerful as Obama’s 12 years ago because it comes after the Trump administration; especially after the last two weeks of rioting and insurgence.
Unlike Obama, who made history on January 20 2009, Biden is an old white guy just like 44 of the 45 previous presidents. But in the context of recent events the whole world will tune in on Wednesday afternoon for the show.
I have followed American politics closely for about 15 years but I never quite appreciated how Irish the 78-year-old Pennsylvanian really was. I mean, I knew he had been here and tracked down his ancestors to Mayo but sure so has half the US population at this stage.
During the transition period and in between impeachable insurrections and Georgia run-offs he has actually proven to be more Irish than some of the embarrassing 'patriotic' gobshites who wave Irish flags outside RTÉ protesting on a weekly basis.
All he needs now is a few more traits and we will well and truly accept him as one of our own.
Firstly, he will need to irrationally begrudge someone he knows dearly for their success and then he needs to sit through a full evening of The Late Late Show and tweet about how ridiculous it is that Ryan Tubridy earns €7 million per episode.
He will then have to promise to install a hotpress at the White House and remember to turn the immersion off every single night without fail. He must at least entertain the notion that a can of 7-Up could cure any ailment (although maybe not Covid-19) and if he is ever on public transport again he has to solemnly swear to thank the driver as he gets off.
Welcome to the family Joe.
*I cannot actually confirm if Trump’s arse is in fact orange.