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Cheating on me with neighbour

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Support is important to cope with adultery.

Support is important to cope with adultery.

Support is important to cope with adultery.

Dear Maura:

I'm sitting on the bed in my favourite sexy gear and my husband tells me that he has been having an affair with a neighbour who's 10 years older than him. It's been going on for nearly a year.

He's in the spare room now. There's probably part of him (guess which part) that wants to move in with her now. But could you imagine what that would look like?

We have a son and daughter, 16 and 20, so we've been talking about the practical side of this shock of a situation. I want to keep living here because our children's education isn't yet over and it suits school and college.

While I'm being good discussing all of this, I can't help but feel really low in myself. I always lost the baby weight and make an effort with how I look. And he goes for someone 10 years older? I'm defeated. I suppose that's the best way to describe how I feel.

I needed to share that moment when I found out with someone, and not anyone I know, so thanks for that Maura.

Answer: You're in shock. There you are looking forward to sex with your husband and you hear he's been unfaithful.

You need support working through this. Talk to someone, ideally a counsellor, or a close and trusted friend.

This dramatic life-changing situation is happening on so many levels and there are emotional and practical aspects that must be faced. At some stage you need to point yourself in the direction of healing.

Please find a good listener because support is vital. You cannot move forward as a mother and woman without help. It is so important for you to be able to discuss all your feelings: sense of loss, betrayal, and sadness.

Girlfriend wears too much make-up

Dear Maura:

MY girlfriend won’t go anywhere without the whole make-up job. I mean false eyelashes, everything. I don’t mind when we’re going out, but not just down to the shops.

She’s beautiful as she is. If I say anything she’ll take a sulk and think that I don’t find her attractive. I think she’s gorgeous — but prefer when she’s just herself.

It’s great when we’re going somewhere special and she does her glam thing, but all the time is too much. I’m not as attracted to her with the false eyelashes and all. There’s no talking to her because she follows all these women on Instagram who look exactly like her — and I mean exactly. Scary.

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Answer: I hear you, but she’s just enjoying the whole make-up experience. You could try telling her she’s beautiful no matter what and not to be going to all that trouble with eye lashes and glue just to drop down to the local supermarket.

Obviously, she loves the people she sees on Instagram and she’s taking her inspiration from them. I think you’ve a role to play by helping her to have confidence in herself. Keep pointing out her beauty, no woman ever gets tired of hearing that, and it will make an impression.

 

  • Email your problems to:
    Maura O’Neill maura.oneill@sundayworld.com
  • All pictures are posed by models

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