Dear Maura: I caught my son masturbating over a photo of our au-pair

I know they follow each other on social media but I’m not sure what kind of relationship this is.

Will she arrive over here for the summer or is he planning to travel to her home? He didn’t see me that day when I found him out. There’s no way I’m going to mention it.

I suppose as a mother I just wonder if he really likes her and yes, obviously he finds her attractive.

The masturbating is normal so I just wonder how do I go about finding out if he is interested in her as a girlfriend. He’s 20 and in college.

A: Start a conversation about summer plans. Maybe you’re thinking of going away with other family and you’re wondering if he has any ideas on how he wants to spend the holidays. Find out if he wants to travel.

As a passing comment you could refer to the au pair and how great she was. Leave a pause for him to respond.

Mention how much the children loved her and you wonder if she’s thinking of coming for a visit. See his reaction.