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She’s reluctant about marriage

Solve your life dilemmas with expert advice from Maura O’Neill

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Some people aren’t keen on marriage.

Some people aren’t keen on marriage.

Some people aren’t keen on marriage.

Dear Maura: We’re a gay couple very much in love but my partner is still hesitating about getting married. I’ve been looking forward to my wedding for so long. We’ve been together for six years. I’m 38 and she’s 46. As a person she’s very quiet and shy. She did suffer a lot when she told her family that she was gay and I get this has affected her. Sometimes I feel that her sexuality is a burden. My feeling is that if I can convince her to have a blessing of some sort, keeping it simple with friends who love and respect us, then it could give her confidence. My hope is that getting married will give her a sense of who she really is. The other side of all this is I sometimes ask myself if she’s as committed to me as I am to her. Maybe that’s a whole other issue here that I don’t want to think about.

We talk about things to do with us, but she’s very much ‘let’s just enjoy ourselves when we can and stop worrying’. She hates hassle of any kind and that’s why I think she’s happy to just keep going as we are. We live together and maybe that’s all she wants.
 

Answer: You’re so devoted to your partner and such a romantic. I wonder if your other half actually realises how deeply you feel about marrying her.

Could it be that she is just not focused on this idea as you are and for that reason doesn’t really get how much this means to you?
The situation with her family is interesting and could be influencing her to keep your relationship almost like a friendship.

he really should talk to someone about that. Do you think she would agree to talk to a counsellor? Being happy as a gay person is where she needs to start.
Perhaps make that a priority and see how she grows in that sense before you make wedding plans.

How to ditch self-absorbed colleague?

Dear Maura: I’ve a ‘friend’ and I sometimes feel she uses me but it’s just a feeling. We work in the same school, and I love being in the class but she’s always looking for promotion. I have to go out to lunch with her most days and all she talks about is her courses, what the principal said to her, responsibility she’s been given and more. Never does she ask me about my work or classes. I get a detailed account of any situation she’s had to deal with.

I’m so tired of her and managed to put some distance between us with Covid. But now she’s back into her old routine. She drains me of all my energy but I’m not strong enough to say no.

Answer: You need to come up with a plan, a strategy. Organise to go out with someone else for lunch some days. Bring in your lunch and maybe walk for some breaks so you’re out and about.

If you have some free classes around that time make yourself scarce by doing something good for you, not listening to this person who takes no interest in you.

A conversation should be an exchange, and this is not happening. She could be talking to a cardboard cut-out. If it makes you feel more comfortable do one lunch here and there simply to pass her off.

second par of the answer

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