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Mum salty over husband’s affair

Solve your life dilemmas with expert advice from Maura O’Neill

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Family members can be unforgiving

Family members can be unforgiving

Family members can be unforgiving

Dear Maura: I’ve moved on from my husband’s affair but my family haven’t and it’s making life difficult. We’ve done the work on our marriage after this and it’s been talked out to the point where there is nothing else to say. I understand my husband and have moved on. Most importantly, I’ve forgiven him and our relationship is strong now, better than it was. We realise what we could have lost if we had allowed the affair to end the relationship. We are a happy couple enjoying life but we’re still coping with comments about us. Outwardly everyone seems good but then you get the sneaky remark like a sting and you’re thinking, hang on, where has that come from? I wish they would just see us as we are now and stop dragging all the baggage from that situation. It’s impossible to get through to them, particularly my mam. She won’t change her attitude. I’m very proud both of us have managed to get through our situation. It’s a pity other people who claim to love and support us can’t be the same. Answer: People judge for all sorts of reasons and it’s most likely nothing to do with you or your situation. Sometimes they are completely misguided and influenced by issues of their own.

My best advice is to move on. Ignore, as best you can, any silly comments but at times don’t be afraid or hold back from asking someone what exactly they mean if some remark is made to you. Put them on the spot and that will soon shut them up.
Most importantly, you and your husband are in a very good place and happy. Don’t let anyone or any comment dilute what both of you have achieved here. You are the only ones who matter here. Enjoy this life together. You deserve to.

Dad’s new partner is changing him

Dear Maura: I’m 20 and it’s been me and my Dad since I was five when my Mam passed away. Her sisters live near, so I’ve had a great childhood and I’m so close to Dad. He’s met a woman and she’s nice, but I think she’s trying to change him. I don’t know, not sure what’s going on. He’s happy and I’m happy then too. But I worry because he’s wearing clothes he’d never wear. He’s joined a golf club and the latest is he’s letting his hair grow. I haven’t said anything because he’s in great form. He keeps asking me if I like his partner and what I think of her. I’m in college so lots of changes.

Answer: The key for me is that your dad is happy. You feel the same. Of course, it’s difficult for you to share him with someone else after all this time and the close relationship you have with him.

I love that he’s as concerned as you are and keeps checking to see how you feel about his partner. You both want the best for each other. This is a new beginning for the two of you.

You’re in college, starting a new, if chapter if you like. The timing is perfect for this woman to come into your dad’s life. Keep an eye on him but an open mind.

Email your problems to
Dr Angela Brokmann dr.angela@sundayworld.com
Maura O’Neill maura.oneill@sundayworld.com

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