Dear Maura: Should I leave my wife for ex?

Solve your life dilemmas with expert advice from Maura O’Neill

Consider a big life change very carefully

Dear Maura: Seventeen years ago, I met a girl when I was 22, she was 23. We went out for 10 months. She was in college. I was mad about her but figured that she wouldn’t want anything serious with me as I was just a working lad. She would have a qualification, something I would never have. She worked abroad for a year and we lost contact. I heard that she married and had a son. I got married as well but we have no family. A short time ago, we met totally by chance. When I saw her, I knew that I still had feelings for her.

She told me to call her and then she asked me if I felt anything for her now. I told her I did and never really forgot her. She is not in love with her husband and my wife and myself are just in a routine at this stage. But even though I really want to be with this woman, I can’t help being a bit afraid that it’s all going to go wrong.

She’s all for it and I feel like that when I’m with her. Later at home, I’m not sure. I don’t want to wake up one day and regret not making the right decision. Answer: It’s interesting that you end your letter saying that you don’t want to find yourself at some point regretting not making the ‘right decision’. You don’t, however, identify what that decision actually is — is it leaving your wife to be with this former girlfriend or staying in your marriage? Nostalgia is a great drug and maybe there was unfinished business between you two but meeting her again does not necessarily mean that it’s a sign you should pick up where you left off years ago. You are not the same people and, yes, there are others in your lives that you have to think of. Take your time and be confident in knowing what is best for you.

I want my man back after tomfoolery

Dear Maura: My husband landed a contract working abroad for a year. I was delighted to get him out of the house for a while. I wanted to go out more with friends and with a male friend who was great to chat to.

This trip of my husband’s meant freedom for me. We have no kids. He came home every few months and for me things hadn’t changed. Then about eight months into his contract he wrote to say that he had met someone.

He also said he knew about my male friend. I could stay in the house for another few months, but he would be selling it when he got home. And that we were over. I thought I would have been happier but I’m not. My male friend is now in a relationship and I’m fighting to get my husband back. I’ve been a fool and hope I’m not too late. What do you think?

Answer: I think you took your husband for granted and now you are paying the price. The trip away clearly gave him a chance to think about your relationship objectively.

He wasn’t happy with the way you were carrying on but maybe hoped that you would see things differently with him gone.

At this point he’s moved on and you are the one struggling. I say keep fighting and admit your mistakes.

Email your problems to Dr Angela Brokmann Maura O’Neill All pictures are posed by models

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