Dear Maura: My partner was bullied for being a gay man — and doesn’t want to wed

I thought this was the perfect occasion to make us official. He took a long time to come out and I hope that’s what this is all about. He loves me but why won’t he marry me? Loads of our friends have tied the knot recently.

He’s very shy and doesn’t like to be affectionate, especially in public. School was a very bad time for him and he was bullied because he was gay. Nothing was done about it. His family have come around but his brother makes stupid jokes still when he has his friends with him.

I feel that if we got married he would be more confident as a gay man and would really feel safe because he’s with someone who’s totally committed to him. But I don’t know will I ever get him up the aisle?

If I keep at him he could just walk. I won’t be happy until we are married. There’s actually no reason why we shouldn’t be.

Answer:Give him more time. You can’t rush someone up the aisle, no matter how much you want to make that journey.

He has a lot of issues around his sexuality from his time in school, and still bears the scars of that experience. His brother isn’t helping. But look at how much progress he has made.

Now he is open with his family and friends. You are very much in his life, as his partner. You have a home together.

I’ve no doubt he loves you. It’s the ceremony that’s holding him back. You need to talk everything through.

He could be concerned you want to go big with the wedding, while he would prefer something more intimate. Find out and who knows, you could be making plans in the New Year!