Dear Maura: My man says he needs to ‘set me free to have sex with other people’
“I’m torn because I want to forgive him and believe him when he says he didn’t mean what he said, but I don’t know if I can”
Dear Maura: My head is in a state. My boyfriend of two months has told me on separate drunken occasions that “one day he needs to set me free to have sex with other people” and that we have an "expiry date.” He puts this down to my lack of experience, compared to him.
When I brought this up, he claims he doesn’t mean it, he doesn’t remember saying it and he doesn’t know why he mentioned it. In fairness, he says he’s sorry for what he said. However, that’s not really enough for me.
Why do we need to have the same level of sexual experience?
I’m torn because I want to forgive him and believe him when he says he didn’t mean what he said, but I don’t know if I can. We could move on but then one day, out of the blue, he’ll come out with the same thing again, bringing us back to the issue once more.
Answer: The first question that came to mind was, do you have to be experienced to form a relationship? Surely the best way to gain sexual experience is with a loving partner.
It’s interesting he says these things to you when he’s drunk, when his inhibitions are lowered. If this aspect of your life concerns him, why not talk about it?
And this idea of an expiration date! Could it be he’s influenced by a previous relationship, where things went wrong. Is he now expecting your relationship to end because of his past?
You’re right to talk about this issue. He needs to take responsibility for what he says. You will only find the potential to move on if he makes the decision to change and sticks to that. Keep standing up for yourself.
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