Dear Maura: Meet-up after 20 years a flop

Solve your life dilemmas with expert advice from Maura O’Neill
It’s daunting to reignite a long-lost spark

It’s daunting to reignite a long-lost spark

Dear Maura: I went to San Fran with high hopes but came home with my confidence in the bottom of my suitcase.

The visit was to a man I met twenty years ago when he and his family stayed in my mam’s Bed & Breakfast. We were in our twenties and should have started a relationship but didn’t.

About two years ago I got an email from him, and we started to correspond regularly. One thing went to another, and he invited me over last month. We had zoomed but hadn’t seen each other for all those years.

Everything was grand for the first few days, but the chemistry wasn’t quite there. Then he started to make comments about how I’d changed and that I’d put on weight. I think he honestly expected my twenty-year-old self to walk into the airport.

I felt so down because I was really attracted to him. He has got older and heavier but very attractive. I got drunk one night and told him I was falling in love with him which I think I am, in spite of everything. Anyway, he’s kept in touch and apologised to me.

I think my absence has made him realise what a *** head he’d been. He wants to visit me this summer! I’m excited thinking about I but still haven’t got over some of the things he said to me.

Answer: I wouldn’t entertain him on any level unless he apologised for his immature and rude remarks. What was he hoping to do? Relive his youth? Not sure what was going on, but you know what, he has acknowledged he was wrong so move on from there. I think the visit to you this summer will be lovely as both of you will be more relaxed together.

The intense expectation of meeting up the first time is behind you so everything should go smoother, hopefully. You’ll be on home ground and can call the shots. I presume you’ll take time off. Make lots of trips and have fun! That way you can see if this is going anywhere.

My boyfriend tried to snog girl in pub

Dear Maura: I’m with my boyfriend for two years. I love him very much. He’s been there for me through my exams and always supported me. My family really like him too. Everything seems perfect. The other night we were out with a few of our friends. We had a great time catching up with everyone. All of us were drinking and having a good laugh. Then I saw my boyfriend chatting to a girl and trying to kiss her. He’s never done anything like that before. Nothing else went on. But I was so disappointed in him. We’ve talked about it and he’s apologised. I just wish it hadn’t happened. Answer: Talk it all through, your feelings, disappointment, annoyance. If you try to move forward in your relationship without clearing the air it just won’t work. I can totally understand your shock too. When you make your decision about whether to stay or go, do so calmly and with your gut feeling helping you. The thing is you don’t want to throw away what you have over a stupid lack of judgement. But if this makes you second guess everything then that’s a whole other, different level

Email your problems to  Dr Angela Brokmann Maura O’Neill All pictures are posed by models

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