Dear Maura: I’m 38, still living at home and I’ve never travelled abroad

I feel my life has been one bad decision after another. I’m a 38-year-old male and living at home. That’s the first decision I should have given more thought to. I’ve never travelled abroad, something I’d love to do.

Two years ago, I began a regime of eating healthy and working out regularly and I dropped two and a half stone. I was delighted with myself.

Fast forward to today, writing to you. I’ve met a wonderful girl and people are happy for me because they feel I need someone in my life, including my family. But we eat out a lot and we go on holidays where the highlight is finding nice restaurants.

My weight has ballooned and I must be three stone overweight at this stage. Anyone looking at my life would say I have it good, a woman by my side, comfortable home and a job. Except for my girlfriend everything else is a routine I’ve had for years, no change, nothing different.

I don’t like how I look but nobody is saying anything to me. That was the way it was in our family, you never discussed any problems or said that anything was wrong.

How do I break this habit and get the life I want?

A: Let’s start with the positive: you can change your life at any time. You seem to have fallen into a pattern which has been handed to you from childhood. You feel stuck. But before we dissect that, focus also on what you have achieved.

You have a job, you are there for your family if they need you and there’s a woman in your life.

Sometimes we need to change from within to discover the life we want to live. It’s as if the weight issue represents the lack of control you have. What plans would you like to make? Travel? A different career?

With thought and determination, you can work towards any goal.

You grew up in a home where things weren’t discussed. Break this habit and start talking to your girlfriend and/or friends.