Dear Maura: I need time to heal my heart

Solve your life dilemmas with expert advice from  Maura O’Neill
Taking time out to focus on yourself is key

Taking time out to focus on yourself is key

Dear Maura: My promise to myself for the New Year is to heal from heartbreak. I’ve had two difficult relationships in three years. I tried to get them to work but it made no difference. The last boyfriend just couldn’t be a man. Being one of the lads mattered more to him than being with me. But I loved him and wanted to work some magic to change him. Eventually, I let him go and spent two months crying, looking at old videos and photos on my social media, until I woke up one day, got my phone and deleted it all. I could feel the power coming back to me almost straight away. I was addicted to looking at how it used to be, even though I knew it was never the way I wanted it. That’s one of the reasons I’m writing to you, Maura, to tell everyone that it can be that simple to get control of your life back. My friends were worried about me. To have two relationship disasters in a short time is hard on the heart and soul. I’m 33 and ready to move forward. I know it’s not going to be easy but I’m not looking for another man, just yet. I’m going to concentrate on me. I’ve started a journal and I’m hoping I’ll get beyond January with it. At least I’m having a go. Looking back, I realise I spent all my time dreaming about what I used to have instead of looking ahead. Answer: Finding a way to turn that corner is vital so you can finally put a difficult situation behind you. It’s all very well and good offering advice, but to actually read what worked for you is so positive. The key also is that you are now going to give yourself some time to move forward with life and not start out on another journey to find a new man. Space to work on what you want in life is key. Wishing y

Why didn’t my pal tell me he was gay?

Dear Maura: One of my closest friends is gay but I only found out from my sister whose boyfriend is his brother. I’m so shocked. We’ve been mates since school and played on the same minor team. I’m a bit of a lad I know but I can’t believe that he didn’t feel comfortable telling me about himself. I like him a lot because he’s great craic to be out with.

Why he’d think that I’d judge him makes me feel really bad. Only a few people know. What do I do? I want him to know that it’s okay by me I just want to hang out with him like we always did. I’ll have to say something. But what?

Answer: This is a difficult situation because really your friend should be the one to open up to you. I appreciate how you feel and the disappointment that he hasn’t yet shared with you is totally understandable. However, you need to give him space. For all you know he could be waiting for the right moment to talk to you. I think it’s best to respect him and wait.

Try to put this information out of your mind and be the friend you’ve always been. Don’t think of this as being a criticism of you instead look at this situation from your friend’s point of view and give him time.

Email your problems to Dr Angela Brokmann Maura O’Neill All pictures are posed by models

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