Dear Maura: I feel taken for granted at home

Dear Maura: My husband and I are only together because of our child. Our son is now 20 and I have promised myself that I will leave when he’s a bit older. I want to leave because all I do is housework. We’ve had rows and then I give in and get back to my routine of doing everything. For them it’s college, work and usually sport most evenings. There’s so much I could have done with my life but I’m in a boring office job. I get home in the evenings, cook dinner, make the beds, clean up after the dinner, go to bed and start it all again the next day. I’ve started to drink when they’ve gone to their training. Sex is something that belongs to the past. I don’t even know if I have any feelings for my husband. I don’t resent my son, it’s just that he takes me for granted like his father. Some days I just picture myself heading off somewhere for a few months but I don’t have the money. Answer: You have all unwittingly contributed to this situation. You feel ignored and unappreciated for the work you do to create a home for your family. Your husband and son need to acknowledge that, but you also need to work out what you want for yourself. Your opening statement is very strong. Is that your assessment of your relationship with your husband or is it your cry for help? You need to talk to him and not just about the housework. Careful with your drinking — again, your way of coping instead of talking. What makes you happy? Find something that fulfills you, that gives you a goal, a challenge. And first on your list is to leave the housework. I’ll let you in on a secret: you never finish housework. Your husband and son need to help. Focus on you. When you begin to feel happy, you will see your life from a different perspective