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relationship SOS Dear Maura: I can't stop thinking about my ex

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'Allow for the fact that you cannot simply wipe away residual feelings for the person you were close to for a number of years.'

'Allow for the fact that you cannot simply wipe away residual feelings for the person you were close to for a number of years.'

'Allow for the fact that you cannot simply wipe away residual feelings for the person you were close to for a number of years.'

Maura O’Neill has been responding to a wide range of problems and issues for the past 20 years as Agony Aunt with the Sunday World. With a Higher Diploma in Education and counselling qualification she also draws on her own life experience in responding to readers’ letters.

Dear Maura,

My relationship of three years is over after some really difficult times with my ex. I know it's for the best and my family and friends couldn't be happier that he is out of my life.

Trust me, I am fully aware of how much pain he caused me, but still, part of me misses him and the times when he was kind and lovely. I can't understand why I feel like this. Am I really over him? He hasn't contacted me, but every now and then, I think I would like to talk to him. I will never go back to that situation, but I am finding it hard to move forward. Why is this, considering how much he put me through?

MAURA SAYS: Three years is a long time to be with someone. On some level, you are grieving the good times, the part of the relationship that worked well. However, memories can sometimes edit a lot of experiences, particularly if you are feeling some kind of nostalgia for the 'good old days'.

Allow for the fact that you cannot simply wipe away residual feelings for the person you were close to for a number of years. Keep in touch with friends, become fully focused on work/study and some much-needed self-care. Begin to rebuild confidence, which will help you to put the past where it belongs.

  • Want to get in touch? E-mail maura.oneill@sundayworld.com.

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