Dear Maura: He is fixated on my best friend

Solve your life dilemmas with expert advice from Maura O’Neill
Talk it out if his attention is elsewhere

Talk it out if his attention is elsewhere

Dear Maura: MY boyfriend has been paying a lot of attention to my best friend lately. I don’t know if anyone else notices this but it’s obvious. I’m 25 and he’s 27. We’ve been together for two years. I see him looking at her when he thinks nobody’s watching him. I caught him one night when he thought I was having a deep conversation with my friend. He was staring at her waiting for a chance to say something, but she was talking to a few people together. So, he just hung there at the edge of the crowd like he was waiting his turn. I don’t know what to say or do because he hasn’t done anything. I don’t know what’s going on. Nobody else has pointed this out, but I know I’m not making this up. I tried to bring her into the conversation the other day about the fact that she hasn’t had a boyfriend for ages, but he just changed the subject. We had a few issues and we stopped seeing each other about four months ago. I messaged him and kind of begged him to come back. We got together again but I always had the feeling that he only did that because it was easier than dealing with my drama. Maybe I’ve created this whole situation. What do you think? Answer: You need to clear the air. It’s interesting that you use the word “drama” in describing your reaction to the break in your relationship. If he is the kind of man who doesn’t like confrontation, then maybe he’s going through the motions with you. Sooner or later these two are going to connect on some level. I think you need to talk to him about how you feel, be open about what you saw. If you move on from here with a healthier and stronger bond, then great. If not, then this just wasn’t meant to be.

Husband is rude to daughter’s partner

Dear Maura: My husband is acting like a brat when our daughter’s boyfriend is around. I really like this young man but her dad isn’t keen and I don’t know why. I feel that he’s a bit insecure around him. That does sound ridiculous, but I don’t know what else to say.

When they’re over for a visit her dad is on his phone most of the time even when her boyfriend is trying to make conversation about sport. He does that hoping that he can say something to interest him. I’ve to nudge him under the table to get him to cop on. It’s embarrassing. I always end up apologising when I’m seeing them out. When they’re gone all my husband will say is ‘he’s got notions’. Give me patience. How can I get a grown man to behave?

Answer: Next time your daughter and her boyfriend visit, tell your husband that he is to put his phone away and make conversation. Or else go out because you’ve had enough of him behaving badly.

How awkward for you but especially for your daughter. She must be mortified. Has she passed any remark on her dad’s behaviour? It’s just not on and he’ll have to make an effort. Get to know the young man and stop judging him which is the essential issue here. Give the boyfriend a chance I say.

Email your problems to Dr Angela Brokmann Maura O’Neill All pictures are posed by models

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