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Can I move on from his affair?

Ask the Experts


It takes a lot to forget an affair.

It takes a lot to forget an affair.

It takes a lot to forget an affair.

Dear Maura: We moved on from an affair my husband had early last year, but it's only now I'm having second thoughts about our marriage.

We were heading into the first lockdown when he told me about it, but all our focus was on helping the children with school work. It was convenient to put the affair out of our minds.

My husband was so sorry for what he did that he couldn't do enough for me and for all of us. He'd slept with a woman from work - twice.

I could feel myself forgiving him, loving him like I always did and most importantly forgetting about the above fact. Part of me blamed the 'other woman' - that made it easier for me to take him back. Now we're all returning to normal and I'm the one who is not sure if I want to stay with this version of 'normal'.

The anger is only coming through now. It feels wrong but it's very much there. Am I wrong to have it out with him now because he'll think, 'What's wrong with her, we're past all that?' Am I making any sense?

Answer: You did what you had to do in March 2020, which didn't give you time to work on clearing the air. The affair was put out of your mind as you had to try to negotiate home life during the pandemic. Now the clouds are clearing and you're seeing things in a sharper light. You want to talk, you need to talk and until you do these feelings will fester.

Your husband's behaviour left you with a sense of betrayal and disappointment which wasn't expressed on any level. Don't let this delayed reaction sweep you away on a wave of anger. Remember that you accepted his apology before. Now you need to work through the feelings and discover how strong your love is.

Our son has lost all his direction in life

Dear Maura: I’M worried about our son (22). He was working in a hotel in France where his uncle is the manager and he loved it, but then decided to come home because he got nervous about Covid. He’s back a year and isn’t looking for work or applying for courses.

We don’t know what to do with him. He’s clearing out his grandad’s garage these days but we want him to do something he’ll enjoy and make a career for himself.

There’s no budging him. We’re avoiding rows so far but it’s stressful for all of us to see him like this. It’s not a case that he doesn’t care, he just isn’t sure of what direction to go in.

Answer: He’s still so young. I think it would do him the world of good to talk to someone outside the family, ideally a career guidance person. How would he feel about contacting his old school to see if he could meet with someone for a chat?

Encourage him to write down in order of preference anything he would like to do, no matter what that is, far-fetched or realistic. What about doing a course? Even something he has a vague interest in. The idea is to get him thinking.

  • Email your problems to
  • Dr Angela Brokmann dr.angela@sundayworld.com
  • Maura O’Neill maura.oneill@sundayworld.com
  • All pictures are posed by models

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