Ask Maura: Is she too good to be with me?

Never feel you’re out of someone’s league

Never feel you’re out of someone’s league

Dear Maura: I can’t stop thinking that my girlfriend is going to leave me because I’m not good enough for her.

I couldn’t say this to anyone because everyone thinks of me as a messer — the lad who will always do the stupid stuff to entertain everyone. That’s why I’m writing to you. I’m with my girlfriend for two years and still I feel that I’m not good enough for her, my body needs a bit of work and I’m not that sharp. She never gives me any hint that she’s unhappy and I never pick up any feeling that she’s not attracted to me. But it’s so difficult trying to be the macho, confident type. There’s pain trying to pretend and no matter how often I go to the gym, I never feel I look well for her. She’s so gorgeous and I dread when I call for her because I know when she opens the door, she will be drop dead amazing.

Straight away I start to sweat, thinking everyone is going to look at us and think, ‘What is she doing with him?’ I want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I don’t know these feelings.

Answer: What a lovely, open, and honest letter. Any woman would be delighted to be with someone like you. Two years is a long time, so your insecurity hasn’t put this woman off in any way.

Who knows, maybe she detects a vulnerability about you and this is one of the reasons she finds you attractive? You really need to have confidence in her ability to choose the right man for herself. You are doing her an injustice by putting yourself down. Put some effort into your fitness, spend some money on new clothes and start to feel good about yourself, for your sake first of all, and then for your girlfriend’s. You have so much to offer. Start working on your own well-being and happiness to start with.

Fella’s butt comments wind me up

Dear Maura: My boyfriend always passes some comment on my butt after we have a row. It’s so annoying. How can he go from having an argument to straight away thinking about sex?

I just don’t get it. He knows this puts me in a bad mood when I’m trying to move on from a row. When I try to work out why he does this I feel he’s making fun or just knows how to wind me up.

Basically, it’s not nice. I don’t say anything to him at the time because I don’t want to keep bad feeling going between us. But I’m getting to the point where this could develop into a real issue.

Answer: His comment makes you feel uncomfortable. You sense that this is a put down, an undermining of you. Never ignore your gut instinct or your feelings.

I understand that you want to move on from a row but not at your expense. I don’t really like the sound of your boyfriend, certainly not in this context.

Don’t settle for anything here. Don’t put your needs in the relationship second under any circumstances. If he doesn’t change, then you have a decision to make.

Email your problems to Dr Angela Brokmann Maura O’Neill All pictures are posed by models

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