SEX TALK Ask Dr Angela: 'My ex says he's heartbroken, but is already seeing someone else?'
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Ten days ago I (31) split up with my boyfriend (26). We'd only been together for three weeks so I thought it's no big deal, but my boyfriend was in bits. He cried and begged me to stay with him; he even rang my mum to ask for help.
Then yesterday I heard from one of my friends that my ex is seeing somebody else already, a woman at least 10 years older than him. She said they looked happy together but I can't believe that.
How can somebody be heartbroken and then find somebody else after only 10 days? I'm sure my ex is only seeing this woman to hurt me. And that makes me furious.
How can I stop this nonsense, what should I do?
Angela says: Nothing. You split up with your boyfriend, he was heartbroken, and now he's making an effort to move on.
Sure, there might be a revenge factor involved here, but that's perfectly OK under the circumstances. I mean, don't forget that you dumped your man.
What he's doing now is none of your business anymore, especially if he found comfort and happiness with another woman.
So unless he reaches out to you, leave him alone.
Move on and concentrate on your own life and happiness.
Last week my husband (45) put me into handcuffs for sex. I (37) thought it would be great, but when I was handcuffed to the bedposts, I panicked. I asked my husband to unlock but he thought I was messing. It took him a full minute to realise that I'm in trouble, and by then I had a full-blown panic attack. This might sound weird, but I'd like to try again. Is there anything I can do?
Angela says: First you should always agree on a safe word that immediately stops the game in case you or your partner feel too uncomfortable to continue. To avoid another panic attack, use toy handcuffs that don't lock and that you can open without help anytime. Try them out before you use them for real.
A while ago I (33) had a blind date with a nice woman in her early thirties. We had sex and she gave me her phone number before she left the next morning. She said she'd love to hear from me, but I had a few other dates over the following weeks and completely forgot about her. When a date stood me up I remembered that I had her number, so I gave her a quick ring to see whether she'd like to meet me. She started to cry and then she called me names. Why was she so rude? Did I do something wrong?
Angela says: You didn't do anything wrong, but you weren't exactly thoughtful either. When you sleep with somebody, the polite thing to do is give a quick ring or send a text the next day. If you only ring a couple of months later, you give the impression that you're interested in sex only, and even a girl who IS looking for just sex expects to be treated a bit better than that. If you'd really like to see the girl again send her a text to ask for a second chance.
I (19) would like to sleep with my girlfriend without condoms, but she says it's not safe. I promised to pull out before I come, but she says she could still get pregnant. Is that true?
Angela says: Yes. Intercourse without a condom is not safe. Sperm can leak out before you pull back, and you could also get carried away and pull out too late. Use condoms. Keep in mind that they not only protect from pregnancy but from STIs (sexually transmitted infections) as well.
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