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sex talk Ask Dr Angela: My boyfriend makes love like a robot, how can I get him to slow down?


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Open-minded and practical, Dr Angela Brokmann has answered the nation's sex problems for 18 years. Here, she answers your dilemmas.

Dear Angela,

I (32) love my new boyfriend (28). He's kind and thoughtful, he's a good listener and he has a great sense of humour.

The only thing I'm not happy with is his sex skills.

He makes love like a machine; his movements are too fast and hard, and at such a steady pace that it feels like having sex with a robot.

There is no finesse to his love making, no tenderness and no real passion.

When I ask him to slow down he goes slower for a while, but he can't control himself for more than a minute.

One night I got on top, hoping that I'd be able to restrict and control his movements, but he bucked up underneath me and almost threw me off.

Is there another position I could try? Is there any way I can tame him?

Answer: Try the seesaw position: let your boyfriend kneel on the bed, leaning backwards and supporting himself on his arms. Sit down on his lap facing him, with your legs either side of him.

Lean back with your arms stretched out behind you. This position does not allow vehement movements so hopefully it will slow your boyfriend down a bit.

You need to be careful when you practice the seesaw position as it leaves your boyfriend's penis at an unusual angle that invites injuries.

Dear Angela,

Last year I (52) confessed to my wife (44) that I'd love to be submissive to her in bed. To my surprise she wasn't shocked but jumped on the idea; it was like she'd had the same fantasy.

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I was so happy - my wife played the dominant part in bed and I was submissive. She made me beg for sex, she told me what to do, she only let me climax with her permission. I know it sounds crazy, but it was the best time I've ever had.

The only problem is that my wife is taking this power play too far now. She tries to dominate me in our everyday life as well, and that's not on. She can't manipulate me and boss me around only because I'm submissive in bed, but she doesn't seem to understand that. Maybe I should stop this submission play altogether?

Answer: It's perfectly OK to play the submissive part in your sex life, but your wife needs to understand that your dominance play is for the bedroom only. In your everyday life, you should maintain a healthy power balance and your wife needs to understand and accept that.

Talk to her and work out rules between you; it's important to set up boundaries and to clarify what you can or can't do with and to each other.

Dear Angela:

I (27) can't believe what happened to me: I met two girls, and after a few drinks they invited me to their flat for a threesome.

I always wanted to have a threesome with two girls - it's one of those dreams I've had forever.

But I only liked one of the girls. To be honest, and without meaning to be rude, I could never get drunk enough to sleep with the second one.

Sadly, I had to decline their offer, but they gave me their number and told me to give them a ring if I ever change my mind. I'm tempted to ring them, but I only want to make love to one of the girls.

The other one can watch, but that's as far as I would go with her. Do you think that it's okay if I suggest that to the girls or would it be rude?

Answer: No, that wouldn't go down too well. If you accept the invitation for a threesome with two women, both of them expect some action.

You can't just spoil one of them and push the other aside to watch.

Only go for a threesome if you are willing to give both girls involved the same amount of attention.

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