sex talk Ask Dr Angela: My boyfriend (28) wants to start flashing me- is this normal?
"I love my boyfriend, but I don't want to spend my life with a pervert who's probably walking around at night to flash his penis at innocent people"
Open-minded and practical, Dr Angela Brokmann has answered the nation's sex problems for 18 years. Here, she answers your dilemmas.
MY boyfriend (28) and I (23) have been together for four years, and I thought that by now I would've known everything about the man I love.
But the other night he confessed that he has a secret sexual kink that he was afraid to tell me about: he likes flashing. I was shocked. I mean, a flasher goes around and shows off his penis in public, isn't that right?
My boyfriend insists that's not what he meant; he says he'd only like to flash in front of me. That would be ok, but to be honest, I don't know what to believe anymore.
I love my boyfriend, but I don't want to spend my life with a pervert who's probably walking around at night to flash his penis at innocent people.
Angela says: It's true that the expression flasher is usually used for an exhibitionist, somebody who likes to expose their genitals in public.
That doesn't mean your boyfriend is secretly sneaking around to expose himself in front of other people. You've been in a happy relationship for four years, so give your boyfriend a chance to explain what exactly he means. Calling himself a flasher was a bad move, but he probably just did it for lack of a better - and more harmless - word.
It's possible that he only wants to show off to you, his girlfriend, and not to other people. And that would be perfectly fine and harmless as long as you're ok with it. So talk to him, listen to what your boyfriend has to say and take it from there.
Ten days ago I (39) started a diet. My aim is to lose one stone, but I'm not making much progress. I only lost two pounds so far, and my best friend suggested that my sex life might be to blame.
I give my husband oral sex once or twice a week, and my friend pointed out that it means I'm taking in calories that are unaccounted for in my diet plan.
My husband says that's nonsense, but of course he'd say that. What do you think - can oral sex really ruin a diet?
Angela says: No. Oral sex won't ruin your weight-loss efforts, on the contrary. You only take in around ten calories a session, but at the same time you burn ten times more calories than you consume. So oral sex - the same as any kind of sexual activity - will not ruin your diet, but will help you to lose weight.
If you are worried about the ten calories nonetheless, put a condom on your husband before you spoil him.
My boyfriend (23) wants me to make him ejaculate with my hands. I (25) tried, but I feel too awkward when I touch him like that. He stares at me the whole time and that makes me so uncomfortable that I lose my rhythm and the right touch.
I've tried so many times - in bed, on the couch, under the shower - but I never managed to make him climax.
What can I do to make this work?
Angela says: If you find your boyfriend's eyes on you so unnerving, try a different approach: Snuggle up to him from behind, move your arms around his body and then let your hands glide from his chest to his lower belly. You can either peek over his shoulder to watch what you're doing, or press your face against his back and work by touch only. You can do this lying down, sitting, or standing up - whatever you fancy. Your boyfriend can watch your busy hands, but he won't be able to see your face. So this should work for both of you.
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