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Helping hand Ask Dr Angela: Is my older woman just using me for sex?

"I don’t want to let my neighbour down, but I can’t keep sleeping with her either"


Don’t feel pressured to say yes

Don’t feel pressured to say yes

Don’t feel pressured to say yes

Open-minded and practical, Dr Angela Brokmann has answered the nation's sex problems for 18 years. Here, she answers your dilemmas.

Dear Angela,

I (44) am sleeping with an older woman (65) from my neighbourhood.

It all started when she asked me to help her move some heavy furniture. I gave her a hand, then she made me a cup of tea, and next thing I knew, we were having a couple of gin and tonics.

A couple of hours later, we had drunken sex. I’ve been seeing her at least once a week ever since. She asks me over for help, but it’s only some stupid pretence because all she wants is sex.

I don’t want to let my neighbour down, but I can’t keep sleeping with her either. I feel used — this woman is taking advantage of me but I’m not strong enough to say no.

A: Your neighbour might be taking advantage of you, but as long as you play along willingly, you only encourage her to keep asking you for favours.

If you feel so uncomfortable with the situation, politely refuse to help out.

If you feel like you should help her with whatever task she can’t manage on her own, give your neighbour a dig-out but don’t stay for the gin and tonics. Leg it as soon as your job is done.

Don’t forget that a man is entitled to say no to unwanted sexual advances as well, so don’t let anybody put you under pressure.

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