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Sex talk Ask Dr Angela: I'm tired of giving handjobs - is there a sex toy alternative?

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Stressed woman

Stressed woman

Stressed woman

Open-minded and practical, Dr Angela Brokmann has answered the nation's sex problems for 18 years. Here, she answers your dilemmas.

Dear Angela,

My boyfriend (27) wants sex much more often than I (29) do. We sleep together four times a week but he wants sex almost every day. When I'm not in the mood for full-blown sex I give him a handjob. For a while I didn't mind doing it, and my boyfriend loved it. But more and more often I'm really not in the mood to do even that. I was wondering, is there a sex toy that could do the job? My ex had a masturbation toy, a pretty plain device that fits over his penis, is there something similar but a bit more sophisticated out there?

Angela says: Sure, there is a wide range of male masturbation toys out there, from manually-operated sleeve masturbators to remote-controlled hi-tech toys. Some models even allow you to create your own stimulation program. Check out adult stores on the internet to see what's on the market.

I (39) have a strange problem. When I sleep with my new girlfriend (44) I always struggle to climax. I'm turned on and all, but I don't feel much when I'm inside her. I never had this problem before, and I've slept with more than a dozen women over the years.

Dear Angela,

My boyfriend (23) wants me to make him ejaculate with my hands. I (25) tried, but I feel too awkward when I touch him like that. He stares at me the whole time and that makes me so uncomfortable that I lose my rhythm and the right touch.

I've tried so many times - in bed, on the couch, under the shower - but I never managed to make him climax.

What can I do to make this work?

Angela says: If you find your boyfriend's eyes on you so unnerving, try a different approach: Snuggle up to him from behind, move your arms around his body and then let your hands glide from his chest to his lower belly. You can either peek over his shoulder to watch what you're doing, or press your face against his back and work by touch only. You can do this lying down, sitting, or standing up - whatever you fancy. Your boyfriend can watch your busy hands, but he won't be able to see your face. So this should work for both of you.


Dear Angela,

Last summer I (28) spent a week in Spain with five other girls. One night we had a few drinks at the apartment we shared and I drank way too much. I woke up with a serious hangover - and with a sore vagina. Our party was girls only so I definitely didn't sleep with a bloke.

When I told my best friend she laughed and said that I and one of the other girls had messed around with a vibrator. I still can't even remember what happened.

Now my boyfriend has proposed to me, and he wants us to share our sexual secrets. Do I have to tell him about that night? Or is it ok if I keep it secret?

Angela says: Even if you and your fiancé decided to share secrets from your sexual past, that doesn't mean you have to tell everything. You don't remember what happened the night you messed around with one of your girlfriends, so you can't even tell the story from your own experience and memory.

I'd say it's fair enough if you keep this to yourself.


Dear Angela,

Six months ago my girlfriend (36) left me for another man. A couple of weeks ago she said she still loves me and wants us to get back together. When I (40) asked why she changed her mind, she said that she's seven months pregnant with my child and that she wants the baby to have a real family. I had no idea that she's pregnant. But I still love her and I'd love to be with her and the baby. I'd just like to know whether I'm the dad. Is it ok if I insist on a paternity test?

Angela says: If there is any reasonable doubt then it's perfectly ok. Assure her that the outcome of the test won't change anything between you, but that you need to know whether the baby is yours or not. You have a right to know and she should accept this.

  • Get in touch! Email dr.angela@sundayworld.com.



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