Ask Dr Angela: 'I want to tell my husband I cheated, but he would never forgive me'

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young woman and man having problems in relations sit on the bed at home (focus on the woman)

Dr Angela Brokmann

Dear Angela, this year, I (38) spent my first ever holiday without my husband (42). On the very first night, I met a lovely guy. We got chatting and had dinner together.

Later that night, he came to my room and we made love. I felt bad next day; I'd never cheated on my husband before.

For the following two weeks, we met almost every night, and we had the best sex ever. He was so patient with me - he kissed me all over, he massaged my neck and my feet, and he gave me a wonderful orgasm every night.

Now I'm back home, and my sex life is as bleak as before. I'd love to tell my husband about my fling, he could learn so much from my experiences, but he'd never forgive me for cheating on him.

ANGELA SAYS: There is no need to tell your husband about your holiday fling; he'd only be jealous, hurt and upset, and he might indeed find it very hard to forgive you. Just let him know what you'd like him to do for you, without revealing where your new ideas come from.

Tell him you'd like kisses all over, or that you'd like him to take more time for love play. These little requests are pretty basic stuff that shouldn't make your husband overly suspicious.

'He says penis slaps are fun'

Dear Angela, My new lover (37) is extremely well built: his penis measures nine-and-a-half inches when erect, and he's very proud of it. That's OK, I'm impressed with his size as well and I don't mind when he brags a bit or when he shows off or sends me penis pics.

There is one thing though that bothers me a bit: when we're in bed together, he slaps me with his penis. He doesn't use his hands; he just takes a swing with his penis to let it slap off my chest or belly, and sometimes my face.

At first I didn't mind, I actually thought it was funny, but he's doing it all the time now, and in my opinion that's weird.

I mean, I don't think other guys are doing it; at least nobody has ever done this to me before.

ANGELA SAYS: Many guys practice a bit of penis-slapping, although only a few manage the trick hands-free. It's not weird at all; some men do it to show off their best piece, some just mess around.

It can also be part of some harmless and subconscious dominance play: by slapping you with his penis, your man playfully shows you that he is the boss.

If your lover's games annoy you, don't be afraid to tell him that he should stop, or at least cut back a bit.

'My girlfriend thinks it's gross that I masturbated with my friends'

Dear Angela,

When we were younger, my friends and I sometimes masturbated together. We didn't touch each other; everybody just did their own thing while we were watching porn. When I (20) told my girlfriend, she said it was gross, and that she's never done anything like that with her girlfriends - not even with her best friend. Do girls really not do stuff like that among each other?

ANGELA SAYS: It's true that girlfriends can be extremely close, and many girls hug and touch, but only one out of 16 girls has ever masturbated with another girl around, while one out of every five guys has masturbated with one or more of his mates. So masturbation games are mainly - but not exclusively - a male pastime.

'My fiancé won't let me give him oral sex'

Dear Angela,

My fiancé (35) and I (26) have been engaged for over a year now, and he still doesn't let me spoil him with oral sex. I've been trying since we first met five years ago. First he wanted to wait until we know each other better. Then, he wanted to wait until we're engaged, and now he wants to wait until we're married - and once we're married, he probably wants to wait for our golden wedding anniversary. When I go down on him without asking, he always pushes my head away. What's wrong with my fiancé?

ANGELA SAYS: It's true that most guys love oral sex, but not everybody is mad about it. Some men are too shy, some are convinced that women don't like it, others are worried about hygiene, and some guys have made such bad experiences in their past that they're reluctant to ever try oral sex again. Talk to your fiancé; assure him that you'd really love to spoil him orally. Help him to overcome any inhibitions he might have; share a shower beforehand to playfully soap off his genitals.

'I don't know how to talk dirty'

Dear Angela,

My new lover (52) is great fun in bed; we only met 10 days ago, but he already knows exactly how to please me. There's only one problem: he wants me to talk dirty. I tried, but I can't find the right words. I'd love to talk dirty properly, but I don't have the imagination to come up with sexy stuff. How can I get better at this?

ANGELA SAYS: To improve your dirty talking skills, think about sexual adventures from your past, and use erotic scenes from movies or books for inspiration. Or just tell your lover what you'd like him to do for you, and describe in detail what you'd love to do for him.

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