SEX TALK Ask Dr Angela: I finally gave my husband oral sex but he didn't return the favour
"He'd been begging for it for years, and when I finally gave in I was under the impression that he would return the favour."
Open-minded and practical, Dr Angela Brokmann has answered the nation's sex problems for 18 years. Here, she answers your dilemmas.
A few weeks ago I (45) gave my husband (51) oral sex for the very first time. He'd been begging for it for years, and when I finally gave in I was under the impression that he would return the favour.
But he didn't. He always promises to do it another time but that never happens. He doesn't even sleep with me anymore. He lets me spoil him orally, and then he rolls over and goes to sleep. I like spoiling him, that's the only reason why I keep doing it. But I'd like something back in return. When I try to talk about this, he says I need to stop nagging. I don't know what to do.
Angela says: You're not nagging. Your husband needs to understand that a sexual relationship is not about one partner spoiling the other, but about two people spoiling each other mutually.
Tell your husband; ask him to please listen to what you have to say. It's important that you talk about this, so don't let him brush you off.
My boyfriend (23) wants me to make him ejaculate with my hands. I (25) tried, but I feel too awkward when I touch him like that. He stares at me the whole time and that makes me so uncomfortable that I lose my rhythm and the right touch.
I've tried so many times - in bed, on the couch, under the shower - but I never managed to make him climax.
What can I do to make this work?
Angela says: If you find your boyfriend's eyes on you so unnerving, try a different approach: Snuggle up to him from behind, move your arms around his body and then let your hands glide from his chest to his lower belly. You can either peek over his shoulder to watch what you're doing, or press your face against his back and work by touch only. You can do this lying down, sitting, or standing up - whatever you fancy. Your boyfriend can watch your busy hands, but he won't be able to see your face. So this should work for both of you.
Last summer I (28) spent a week in Spain with five other girls. One night we had a few drinks at the apartment we shared and I drank way too much. I woke up with a serious hangover - and with a sore vagina. Our party was girls only so I definitely didn't sleep with a bloke.
When I told my best friend she laughed and said that I and one of the other girls had messed around with a vibrator. I still can't even remember what happened.
Now my boyfriend has proposed to me, and he wants us to share our sexual secrets. Do I have to tell him about that night? Or is it ok if I keep it secret?
Angela says: Even if you and your fiancĂ© decided to share secrets from your sexual past, that doesn't mean you have to tell everything. You don't remember what happened the night you messed around with one of your girlfriends, so you can't even tell the story from your own experience and memory.
I'd say it's fair enough if you keep this to yourself.
Six months ago my girlfriend (36) left me for another man. A couple of weeks ago she said she still loves me and wants us to get back together. When I (40) asked why she changed her mind, she said that she's seven months pregnant with my child and that she wants the baby to have a real family. I had no idea that she's pregnant. But I still love her and I'd love to be with her and the baby. I'd just like to know whether I'm the dad. Is it ok if I insist on a paternity test?
Angela says: If there is any reasonable doubt then it's perfectly ok. Assure her that the outcome of the test won't change anything between you, but that you need to know whether the baby is yours or not. You have a right to know and she should accept this.
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