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Ask Dr Angela: Hubby won't quit cross-dressing

 

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Q My husband (45) is a cross-dresser. I (40) have known since we got married; he used to wear my lingerie but always on the sly and I never confronted him about it. I ignored his weird habit, hoping it would go away, but that never happened and now it's got worse.

A while ago my husband started to buy his own lingerie, lacy bras and panties in girly colours. And he doesn't even try to hide it from me. I've had enough of that nonsense; I asked him to throw all the new stuff out and to wear manly underwear in the future. I expected him to give in, but he had a go at me instead. He said I'm cross-dressing as well and that I have to leave him alone.

I'm not cross-dressing. I sometimes wear my husband's boxers, but only because they are comfy and because they make me feel sexy. I'm not a fetishist like my husband. It's normal for women to wear male clothes, including boxers, but my husband doesn't seem to understand that.

ANSWER

It's true that many women wear men's boxers, and it's great that most people are OK with it. However, it should also be OK for men to wear women's underwear. I mean, what's the big deal?

Just to clarify, it's not even a fetish, unless cross-dressing plays a dominant role in a person's sex life. And even a cross-dressing fetish is harmless as long as it's only a passion and not an obsession.

Try to be more understanding and tolerant; there is no point in fighting over the kind of underwear you and your husband prefer. Talk about this without blaming and accusing each other, and try to accept each other for the way you are.

 

Fiancé doesn't like back rubs

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Q I (27) love to give my fiancé back rubs; it's my favourite kind of foreplay. He looks so sexy when he's lying down on his belly, with his bare back and bum exposed. It turns me on much more than seeing him from the front, but I can't tell him that because it sounds kind of weird. The problem is that he doesn't like my back rubs. I've tried everything from gently stroking to scratching but he always gets impatient after only a minute. I'm not ready to give up, but I don't know what else I could try to make this work.

ANSWER

First of all, let your fiancé know how much you love his bare back and bum. It's perfectly OK that you find his backside sexy, and he needs to know how much the view alone turns you on. To make your back rubs more enticing, sit on your fiancé's bum. Let your hands glide over his back for a few seconds, then follow up with your breasts.

Don't just work on your man's back - you need to keep in mind that the back is not even among the top 10 hot spots of the male body. Move your hands down your fiancé's sides and underneath his belly for a good tease. Kiss the back of his neck and spoil his inner thighs.

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Want to get with my brother's fella

Q Last summer I (33) had a fling with my brother's boyfriend. My brother and his boyfriend were not together at the time; they'd had a huge fight and decided to take a break. We slept together only once but it was the best sex I ever had. I wanted to keep seeing him, but he said it was a mistake. Eventually they got back together, but a few weeks ago they had another fight and went on another break. When I heard about it I started to text my brother's boyfriend again. At first everything was fine - he texted back and we got on great. But when I mentioned that I want to sleep with him again he said he's not interested. Now he just ignores me when I text. I can't get this guy out of my head.

ANSWER

Your brother's boyfriend made it clear that he has no interest in another fling and you need to accept that. This man should be taboo for you. He and your brother might be on a break, but he's still the guy your brother is in love with.

 

Oral or break-up?

Q MY boyfriend (28) wants to split up with me. When I asked why, he said he's unhappy because I refuse to give him oral sex. He said he'd stay with me if I gave him blowjobs, but I really don't want to do that.

ANSWER

Don't give your boyfriend oral sex just to make him stay with you. Only do what you feel fully comfortable with. If you want to stay together you both need to work on your relationship.

 

Sexy dreams?

Q I (18) am wondering whether girls can have wet dreams. My girlfriend said she never had one, but she is so shy that she maybe just doesn't want to admit it to me.

ANSWER

Guys have wet dreams - they ejaculate in their sleep - when they are sexually inactive for a prolonged period of time. Girls don't have wet dreams, but they can experience something quite similar: they can have erotic dreams, and some women can even climax in their sleep.

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