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sex talk Ask Dr Angela: He asked me to keep my clothes on during sex


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Open-minded and practical, Dr Angela Brokmann has answered the nation's sex problems for 18 years. Here, she answers your dilemmas.

Dear Anegla,

My boyfriend (31) asked me to keep my clothes on for sex. I (27) wasn't wearing anything special, just one of the comfy dresses I love to chill out in at home. I played along and I didn't regret it. My boyfriend was all over me. His hands went up under my dress to places he'd never bothered with before. It was one of my best nights ever, but I'm a bit worried that my boyfriend wanted me to stay dressed because he doesn't like my body anymore as I put on a good few pounds during lockdown.

Angela says: Don't worry about the few lockdown pounds you put on. I'm sure your boyfriend still loves your body. And it's ok that he wants you to stay in your clothes for starters. The way you or your partner shed your clothes plays a huge role in the build-up of sexual tension. And starting love play with your clothes on gives your boyfriend the chance to unpack all the hidden treasures with his own hands.

Dear Angela,

A few friends gave me a candy thong for my 30th birthday. They know that my husband has never spoiled me with oral sex yet and they thought the candy thong might help me to finally get what I want. Would my husband get the hint?

Angela says: Sure. Coaxing your husband into oral sex with a candy thong might be on the cringey side, but give it a try. If your man doesn't take the bait, have a chat to let him know what you'd like him to do for you.

Dear Angela,

My fiancé (43) can be real pushy about sex. We sleep together three times a week but he wants sex at least another once or twice a week, and when he doesn't get it he gets narky. Like the other night, we'd been watching a movie while kissing and cuddling. Then my fiancé wanted sex, but I (35) was too tired and not in the mood. He said I can't mess with him like that and then leave him frustrated. I explained that I want to be able to just have a cuddle without having to sleep with him afterwards, but he said he can't do that because cuddles give him blue balls, and that it's a dangerous and painful condition. He claims the only way to get rid of the pain is sex. Is that true? And what exactly are blue balls?

Angela says: 'Blue balls' is an old slang term that refers to discomfort in the testicles caused by prolonged arousal without sexual relief. In other words: it happens when your man gets turned on but doesn't ejaculate. Sex does indeed relieve the built up pressure and discomfort, but it doesn't have to be intercourse - a DIY handjob does the trick. And even without sexual relief, the discomfort will go away when the arousal stops and the testicles go back to normal.

Blue balls are not dangerous, unless your partner suffers from an extremely rare medical condition that leaves his genitals swollen for hours. But in that case, your fiancé would need the ER and not sex. Some guys use blue balls as an excuse to pressure their partner into sex - don't let that happen.

Dear Angela,

Ten days ago I (39) started a diet. My aim is to lose one stone, but I'm not making much progress. I only lost two pounds so far, and my best friend suggested that my sex life might be to blame.

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I give my husband oral sex once or twice a week, and my friend pointed out that it means I'm taking in calories that are unaccounted for in my diet plan.

My husband says that's nonsense, but of course he'd say that. What do you think - can oral sex really ruin a diet?

Angela says: No. Oral sex won't ruin your weight-loss efforts, on the contrary. You only take in around ten calories a session, but at the same time you burn ten times more calories than you consume. So oral sex - the same as any kind of sexual activity - will not ruin your diet, but will help you to lose weight.

If you are worried about the ten calories nonetheless, put a condom on your husband before you spoil him.

Dear Angela,

My boyfriend (23) wants me to make him ejaculate with my hands. I (25) tried, but I feel too awkward when I touch him like that. He stares at me the whole time and that makes me so uncomfortable that I lose my rhythm and the right touch.

I've tried so many times - in bed, on the couch, under the shower - but I never managed to make him climax.

What can I do to make this work?

Angela says: If you find your boyfriend's eyes on you so unnerving, try a different approach: Snuggle up to him from behind, move your arms around his body and then let your hands glide from his chest to his lower belly. You can either peek over his shoulder to watch what you're doing, or press your face against his back and work by touch only. You can do this lying down, sitting, or standing up - whatever you fancy. Your boyfriend can watch your busy hands, but he won't be able to see your face. So this should work for both of you.

  • Get in touch! Email dr.angela@sundayworld.com.

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