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Sex talk Ask Dr Angela: 'Can he tell that I had orgasm without him?'

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Dear Angela,

I (18) haven't slept with my boyfriend yet, but we often touch each other up. We don't go all the way with that; we don't make each other come. Normally that's fine, I don't want to go that far yet, but yesterday my boyfriend brought me so close to an orgasm that it was really frustrating when he stopped. Then I did something bad: I went to the bathroom and touched myself. I had a climax straight away and it felt so good, but then I got worried that my boyfriend might notice what I'd done, so I didn't let him touch me anymore that day. Can a boy tell that you touched yourself and that you had an orgasm?

ANGELA SAYS: A man can guess, but he can't know for sure. He can see when you are sexual aroused, as arousal causes physical changes to your body, like swelling of clitoris and labia. These changes are still visible after sexual activity, but after a short while, everything goes back to normal. Most likely, your boyfriend wouldn't have noticed that you had an orgasm, and if he'd guessed what happened, that would have been OK too. After all, you only touched yourself and that is perfectly fine. There is no reason to worry or feel bad about it.

He's way too big

Dear Angela,

My fiancé (25) tried to make love to me doggy style. We had a long foreplay and used lube, but it still hurt and we had to stop. He wants to try again, but I don't see how it would work d. I (26) think he's too big for the position; he's eight inches and we just about manage intercourse the normal way.

ANGELA SAYS: Doggy style allows deep penetration, so it's ideal for guys with a small or medium-sized penis, but not for men with a huge one. You can still make the position work: encircle the base of his penis with your hand to ensure that he can't go too deep. To make sure this won't spoil his fun, use your hand to squeeze and tease his penis for a little treat.


Dear Angela,

My new girlfriend (28) is big into piercing. She has rings through her ears, nose, nipples and belly button. A few weeks ago, she got her labia pierced, and she's now wearing a glittery pink chain from one side to the other. I (33) am not into that, but I'm willing to put up with it as long as it makes her happy. But now she insists that I should get pierced as well: she wants me to get a piercing through my scrotum and there is no way I'm doing it. As much as I love her, I'm not willing to mutilate my body for her. Should I give in?

ANGELA SAYS: If you don't want to get pierced then don't. There is always a risk of discomfort, pain and infection involved. I'd also be careful with attaching any kind of jewellery to your scrotum - just imagine your bling gets tangled up with your girlfriend's. If you want to give it a try anyway, go for non-piercing jewellery - it's less risky and less painful.


Dear Angela,

My new boyfriend (30) never has normal foreplay with me. He caresses my clitoris, but to get himself into the mood, he rubs his penis in my armpit, and I (24) find that strange. No one has ever done that with me before and I can't imagine other people do it. Is he a weirdo?

ANGELA SAYS: No, a preference for armpit sex is not weird at all. OK, armpit sex is not among the most popular sexual practices out there, but it's not that unusual either. Many people have tried it, and some couples practice the game regularly, or at least now and then.

While armpit sex - also called axillary sex - has little or no appeal from a female point of view, it can be a hot sexual appetiser for the male player. After all, the armpit is a soft and warm enclosed area, perfectly suitable for a sexy warm-up.

Should I date my pal with benefits?

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Dear Angela,

I (36) am seeing a lovely woman I know since my school days. We used to be best friends but lost touch after college. When we bumped into each other this summer, we hit it off on the spot - it was like we'd never been apart, and we started dating. I love this woman, but only as a friend. Or you could say, a friend with benefits. She feels the same. Still, I feel we shouldn't be dating if we both know that we don't have a future together, but we are both single and we have fab sex, and it would be a shame to give that up. Is it OK if we keep dating?

ANGELA SAYS: Sure. Why not? You are both grown-ups, you feel comfortable with each other, have great sex and you don't hurt anyone. Many guys and girls date people they don't want to spend their lives with. And while it might not be the ideal situation, it's OK as long as you are honest with each other and don't make false promises. If you are happy the way things are, I can't see why you should end your friends-with-benefits relationship.

  • Send your dilemmas to at dr.angela@sundayworld.com.