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Are we now a lazy couple?

Solve your life dilemmas with expert advice from Maura O’Neill

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Married couples can get into a rut

Married couples can get into a rut

Married couples can get into a rut

Dear Maura: I joke that I only stay with my husband for two ‘C’s’ — his cash and his c**k. I don’t work and we have no family. Two dogs are like our kids. This has been going on for 15 years since his business took off and we started to live a certain lifestyle. Recently he had issues with his heart and I was shocked with my reaction. Thinking that he could die from this condition, I didn’t feel very upset or sad. In fact, all I thought of was that I would be well taken care of financially and that I would keep myself occupied with the dogs and maybe a bit of travel. I mentally went to a place where my husband was no longer alive. Have I become immune to feelings for him because of the way we have lived our lives? We don’t see a lot of each other some weeks depending on his work. Before Covid we went on one or two cruises a year. He usually ended up chatting to some man at the bar and I read my book. Has the money stopped us making an effort? Have we got it so easy that we have become lazy about our feelings for each other? Answer: For quite some time your lifestyle has distracted you from your marriage. You can afford luxury holidays and everything else that goes with financial stability, but the simple things that bond a couple have been put to the side. Your husband’s business takes him away quite a lot so there is a need to hit pause on this routine with his health scare and see what is going on emotionally for both of you. Your joke tells me that you dislike the influence money has had on your relationship but feel powerless to change this because of your husband’s work. Perhaps you feel that he is away so much he has forgotten you. There has been very little dialogue. Make time to talk, something you haven’t done in a long time.

He won’t spend due to travel dream

Dear Maura: My boyfriend has stopped going out and I don’t know what to do. I’m not a great one for nightclubs but I love a chat in a bar with a few friends. He wants to travel and he’s saving and spending nothing. He wants me to go with him but I’m not so sure.
I love the idea but the in-between time where we have no life because we can’t go out is not what I want. If we put off the travelling until 2023 it would give us some chance of saving and having a bit of fun. I hope this is not our deal-breaker because I don’t want to lose him. But he’s not making it easy for me. I think he wants to get away more than he wants to keep our relationship.
Answer: This is his reaction to the pandemic and lockdown. Maybe that is why he’s so determined because he feels that his life was held back over the last year or so. He has made the decision to save and travel without really talking to you, without fully taking your feelings into consideration. While he wants you to go too this is really all about him and his reaction to everything. Break down the goal of travel and a way to make it happen that works for both of you.

Email your problems to
Dr Angela Brokmann dr.angela@sundayworld.com
Maura O’Neill maura.oneill@sundayworld.com

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