Two dating experts tell you how to get that man
If you have waited five years for a date then the guy knocking on your door is probably not Prince Charming but the pizza delivery man.
So says matchmaker Avril Mulcahy in her fun, no-nonsense new book Go Get Him!
The 32-year-old dating expert has some hard-hitting advice for all those moaning Minnies out there who bleat that that there are no good men left in Ireland.
And she doesn’t spare the women who always end up on their own after continually going for the bad boy.
The perky blonde gives tongue-in-cheek tips about how to organise “a dickhead clearout” and how to boost self-esteem by chanting in the mirror “I am a ride.”
Subtitled Everything You need to Know to Create the Love You Want, Avril’s aim is to get single women into situations where they meet men…rather than sitting at home watching George Clooney on the telly with a tub of ice-cream.
Avril, who runs a boutique matchmaking agency and organises dinner “safaris” for singletons, says the advice she gives is the same she teaches hundreds of clients in coaching sessions.
“Too many women moan about not being able to find a man and then do nothing about it,” she says.
“What I teach is just common sense, getting people to think ‘what can I change to give me a better chance of meeting a man?’
“You can’t change the environment around you – the dickheads are always going to be out there – but you can improve your chances of meeting Mr Right by the actions you take.”
The most obvious was to get out there and actually start dating.
“Get friends and family to help you meet new people. Try new places with them instead of going to the same old bar.
“Don’t let your family take up your whole weekend with things they want you to do for them.
“And don’t put all your eggs in one basket but date lots of men at the same time. Too many girls sit on the shelf waiting to be chosen.”
Avril said the word “dating” could be scary but it was easy to invite a man along if you were going out with a group of friends.
Three common mistakes she saw were women continually going for the bad boy, waiting for Prince Charming or picking a guy they thought they could “fix.”
Avril said women should get rid of people in their lives holding them back.
She tells how she cut an ex out of her own life after he contacted her following the death of one of her friends.
She thought he would be a shoulder to cry on and met up only to realise he just wanted sex. And when he realised it would not be forthcoming he turned his attentions to another woman in the bar.
Days later Avril sent him a text saying he added nothing to her life and she never wanted to see him again.
She said women should dump other energy-draining people such as girlfriends who drop them the minute they find a boyfriend and married lovers who are never going to leave their wives.
“None of them add anything to your life and just make you feel bad about yourself.
“The dickhead clearout is an exercise to get negative people out of your life to make room for better, more supportive and positive influences. Simple.
“I try and teach women to be the best they can. Maybe it’s just losing a few pounds or maybe it’s getting them to go online to create more opportunities to meet men.
“Women have to build their self-esteem, to be their own best friend. If you think you are a fat ugly cow how is a man going to find you sexy?
“Women should do whatever it takes to make them feel sexy, whether it’s getting their hair done, buying lingerie or having a massage.
“We can choose to be happy. People who say they are stuck in a rut are just being lazy. They are choosing to be that way.”
Another dating expert is PR executive Tracey Ferguson who was so shocked by shambolic profiles on dating websites that she has started her own business to help people improve their online image.
Founder of Datings Little Helper, the Galway girl said: “I decided to try internet dating and was horrified by what I saw out there.”
Turnoffs included divorced or separated people using their wedding picture for their profile, men posing topless in bathroom mirrors or photos taken on stag parties “at the very end of the night.”
Tracey said: “Some photos are taken so far away you can’t even tell what they look like. It’s ridiculous.”
Tracey edits or writes people’s profiles by asking them ten basic questions about their likes, dislikes and what they are looking for.
“They give me the answers and I write their profile and send it back.
“It’s impossible to be objective about yourself so I try to establish the image they want to put across.”
Tracey met her own boyfriend, Alex, on a dating site by writing that she hated bad grammar, bad spelling and text speak.
“I wrote that if you can’t tell the difference between their, there and they’re you didn’t have a hope,” she laughed.
“He came back saying good grammar was important and poked fun at me which was fine.
“He is cooking me dinner tonight and things are going well….”
- Go Get Him! is published by Gill & Macmillan and is available from Easons and all good book stores for €12.99.
- Tracey Ferguson can be contacted on [email protected]