One night stands: The good, the bad and the top 10 rules
One night stands – spontaneous sexual adventures without further commitment – are surprisingly popular here in Ireland. More and more people acquire a taste for it.
Since our first One Night Stand survey in 2005, the figures have risen for both men and women.
In 2010, six out ten Irish men (61%) and more than four out of ten Irish women (43%) admit that they have had a one night stand. And many do it not only once, but go for it again and again.
THE GOOD SIDES
THE excitement: Every one night stand is a first time, with all the excitement. You are seeing the person naked for the first time, you are exploring their body, every touch tingles.
The lack of restraint: It is all about sex and fun. You are both eager and in the mood for an adventure. And it is much easier to live out your fantasies. It doesn’t really matter what the other thinks about you and your sexual appetite next day – you will be gone by then and probably never see them again.
Being naughty: It’s such great fun to be a bad girl or bad boy the odd time – it makes everything more exciting.
THE BAD SIDES
FALLING in love: That is a serious no-go. After all, the idea was a night of passionate sex without any commitment. If both fall in love – OK. But if it happens to only one of them, it is a big nuisance. And it does happen – three out of ten women and one out of ten men who had a one night stand fell in love.
Bad aftertaste: Some people are hit by a bad conscience next day for having cheated on their steady partner. Others got the horrors when they wake up next morning, lying beside somebody they would never have gone near had they been in their right senses the night before.
Too Impersonal: One out of five realised that the one night stand was too impersonal after all. So overall, the opinion is that one-night-stands are great fun.
TOP TEN RULES
And you can avoid the down side if you stick to the TOP TEN one night stand rules of etiquette.
1. CHOOSE A PARTNER WHEN YOU ARE SOBER
You don’t want to get a shock when you look at your fling next morning.
2. DON’T USE A ONE NIGHT STAND FOR REVENGE
You wouldn’t enjoy it. One night stands are for great sex, not for getting back at your partner.
3. DON’T CHOOSE YOUR EX
Too dangerous. There are too many complicating emotions involved.
4. DON’T HAVE A FLING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND
It would change the friendship for ever, and probably ruin it.
5. BEING CONDOMS
And be sure to use them!
6. MAKE SURE BOTH HAVE AN ORGASM
After all, sex is all you want from each other, so it’s not fair to leave one of you unsatisfied.
7. DON’T ASK ‘DO YOU LOVE ME?’
It is against the unspoken deal. Remember: One night stands are about sex only; love is seen as a nuisance.
8. DON’T GET TOO CUDDLY
Don’t hold hands or use pet names, leave that for people you are in love with.
9. DON’T CLING TO YOUR FLING Clinging is the worst sin. Avoid at all costs.
10. DON’T ASK FOR THEIR PHONE NUMBER
If you wish to see your fling again, give him or her your number, but you shouldn’t ask for theirs.
THE MORNING AFTER ETIQUETTE
The morning after can be a bit awkward. Should you sneak out or have a coffee? Do you kiss or treat each other like strangers?
However you feel about your fling, as long as he or she didn’t misbehave badly, be courteous and friendly.
DON’T SNEAK OUT
If your fling is still asleep, give them a peck on the cheek before you go.
DON’T PUSH YOUR FLING OUT THE DOOR
It would be polite to offer a quick coffee. If they don’t go after a coffee you can send them on their way.
BREAKFAST ONLY IF YOU WANT IT
Only offer breakfast if you want to and only stay for breakfast if you feel like it.
DON’T BE TOO PERSONAL
Don’t treat your fling like an old lover. Don’t ask intimate personal questions.
Don’t promise another date if you know it’s never going to happen