Relationships & SexDr Angela

Help! My fiancée caressed stripper’s privates

Partner took things too far
Partner took things too far

Dear Angela

Over Easter, my fiancée (25) went to Hamburg with her girlfriends. They went to sex clubs. My fiancée told me how in one of clubs a male stripper invited them to come on to the stage. She said one of the girls rubbed massage oil onto the guy’s penis, in front of everybody.

The next day I found out that it was actually my fiancée who did this. And she’d rubbed this guy’s penis for at least a minute. When I confronted her she said she’d only done it for a laugh and that it didn’t mean anything.

That’s’ ridiculous. The only time I ever went to a strip club she made a big fuss and accused me of cheating. But she says it’s different for women, that they can do stuff like that for a laugh, while for guys it’s about sex. I think she should apologise to me for what she’s done.

ANGELA SAYS: I understand where you’re coming from. On the other hand, it’s true that girls CAN do stuff like this for a laugh. I wouldn’t call it cheating to watch pole-dancing, stripping or even a sex show. But it’s a different story if the adventure turns into a hands-on affair.

I’d say it’s still ok if you only give a stripper’s breast or bum a quick feel. But anything further, like prolonged touching, kissing or performing sexual acts, is clearly cheating in my books.

 She should apologise. But I also believe she didn’t mean any harm, so don’t make too much of a fuss.


I’m ugly ‘down there’

Dear Angela

When I (43) was married, my husband used to tease me about the size of my labia. One is a bit bigger than the other. My gynaecologist said that’s nothing to worry about, but I feel ugly down under.

I have a new partner and we’ve been sleeping together for three months, but I won’t let him give me oral sex as I don’t want him to see my labia because I’m afraid they might turn him off.

Should I have corrective surgery? Is it possible?

ANGELA SAYS: Sure, it’s possible to correct labia surgically - some cosmetic surgeons practice the procedure. But I can’t see why you should risk surgery unless it’s necessary.

There is a good chance that your new partner won’t even notice that your labia are a bit different in size. And even if he does notice it, he almost surely won’t mind.


How can I turn boyfriend on?

Dear Angela

I (18) love kissing and cuddling, and my boyfriend is great at that. Before we sleep together he kisses and caresses me all over for hours, and gives me backrubs.

 But when I try to do the same for him he gets impatient after a few minutes, especially if I’m touching his arms and shoulders. The only thing he likes me touching is his penis. I can’t do that all the time. There must be other ways of turning him on?

ANGELA SAYS: The genitals are the most sensitive part of a man’s body. Men have other erotic zones as well, but arms and shoulders are not among the hot favourites. You can still caress them, but keep it short.

Try looking for hot spots on his body - try caressing your boyfriend’s lower back, his thighs, his loins and his bum.

There’s a good chance that he’ll like it.


Dear Angela

My boyfriend (24) can’t get enough in bed, he’s insatiable. We make love every night, often twice. And some weekends we hardly get out of bed at all.

I (32) am not complaining; it’s great to be with somebody who wants to make love to me all the time.

But sometimes it’s too much, especially during the week when I have to work the next day. We’ve only been together for five weeks, so I’m wondering if he’ll naturally slow down a bit at some stage?

ANGELA SAYS: It’s normal for a guy his age to want sex every day, especially at the beginning of a new relationship – and your relationship in still in the early stages. He will slow down eventually, but that might take another few weeks.

In the meantime, if his sexual appetite is way too much for you, don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ the odd time.