I’m a mother of a special needs child. I love him so much and have always been there for him. He’s 19. We didn’t find out his disability until he was a toddler and since then I’ve been with him every day of his life.
I feel like I’m a bad mother because I want my son to move on with his life so I can start to live my own. I’m 49 and just want time for me.
I’m getting tired and a bit short with him, which I hate myself for afterwards. People say get support but ultimately it’s down to family. He’s hoping to do a course in cooking.
Maura says: What is wrong with you feeling anxious that your son moves on with his life, which is essentially what you are describing in your letter. You have given him so much but are continuing to put pressure on yourself to be the ‘good mother’ even though your son is showing signs that he wants to get on with his own life.
It’s time for both of you to let go to some degree. If the cookery course works out he will be away from home for a time and meeting other young people.
When you see him fulfilled you can then focus on yourself guilt free.