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Reignite your relationship spark

HealthBy Sunday World
Reignite your relationship spark

If your sex life has lost its sizzle and lust has become a little rusty, there's help at hand. A top Beverly Hills relationship psychotherapist has created a guide for better sex aimed at career-minded women, frustrated partners and wives considering celibacy, in an effort to turn the romance back on and crank up sexless couples.

Dr. Fran Walfish, the author of The Self-Aware Parent and a co-star of America's saucy Sex Box TV show, wants to make it clear there's nothing wrong with celibacy, especially if you're a single woman with career goals and professional dreams, but she insists “sex is a healthy part of every relationship and it's unfair and unrealistic to think your partner will willingly sign up on a mutual contract for agreeing to having no sex.”

Dr. Fran adds, “Women can make a decision to become celibate and it can be temporary. Women who are celibate are much less distracted; they're able to focus more on their work and careers, they're able to focus more on their children and their friendships... because once they get involved in a relationship many women, more so than men, become laser focused on their neediness. Not every woman is needy but many are - emotionally needy.”

So, before deciding that no sex is the best sex in a romance gone stale, Dr. Walfish is sharing a few love tips that will hopefully help you get the sizzle back. After all, as the good doctor says, “Sex is a necessity in any healthy relationship.”

She calls it Dr. Fran's Top 7 Tips For Better Sex, but you might find it's The Magnificent Seven. Send the kids to their bedroom and read on:

1. Always approach the bedroom squeaky clean. Shower regularly, lotion up, spray perfume (lightly). This not only makes you appealing to your partner but raises your personal confidence sexually.

2. I am a proponent of open, honest, direct communication. However, when it comes to sexual performance many people are exquisitely sensitive about being told what and how to do things. NEVER criticise, blame, or judge. Instead, praise every incremental gesture your partner makes toward 'feel-good' actions. Use sexy sounds like, 'Ooh,' and, 'Mmmm.'

3. Women need to get more comfortable asking for their sexual needs and wants to be fulfilled. Men are better at this than women. From generation to generation, this has been a cultural issue. Women are better now than they were in the 1930s and '40s but you'd be amazed at how many young women are still uncomfortable asking their guy to do specifics. A lot of women are still assuming guys know what they want and like. You will get nothing if you assume your man knows what you want.

4. Men also need to become more comfortable, requesting frequency, speed, and the type of sex they want and need. Statistics show that men cheat more frequently than women. They are too quick to look elsewhere if they’re not getting what they need. So communication is key – make sure you let your man tell you what he likes.

5. Use your fantasies and shut your mouth! Do not share your fantasies with your partner. It's fine if you're fantasising about having sex with the fireman, the policeman or the football team, just shut up and don't tell your partner about it or you'll end the romance.

6. Put all of your worries in a box, lock the box, and leave it outside of the bedroom! If you're worried about the kids, sex will be a flop. When the stock market goes down, so does his erection. Free yourselves to enjoy the moment. And don't limit sex to the bedroom - titillate your partner in new ways and in new settings; in the kitchen, on the table or on the living room rug. Get out of the rut and routine and change it up.

7. Get in the shower with your partner and bathe each other. Wash your partner down and try to turn your partner on with touch, sensation, the gentle beating of the warm water; use lotions or oils, scented fragrances. The warm water is tranquilising. It's almost a meditative way of getting your body to relax.

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