Woman visited sexual health clinic with toy dinosaur stuck in her vagina

NewsBy Shuki Byrne
The woman had a 5cm toy dinosaur lodged in her vagina
The woman had a 5cm toy dinosaur lodged in her vagina

A student nurse has described an embarrassing incident involving a middle-aged woman and a toy dinosaur which occurred during her very first patient appointment at a sexual health clinic.

Writing in the Guardian, the woman explains she was a trainee at a clinic for five weeks during her time as a student. 

She had made friends with a genial doctor who asked her to lead a couple of his appointments. 

"He suggests an apparent win-win situation: we both sit in the consulting room, I leading the appointments and he sitting in the corner, quietly knuckling down to his paperwork but on hand should I need him," she writes. 

She said she was "chuffed" and they picked out a middle-aged woman who was to be the student's very first patient. 

The unnamed student nurse thinks she’s unlikely to have anything particularly unusual going on

"Pompously, I walk into the waiting room and call her name," she writes. "As she gets up and walks over, I notice a peculiar gait: “Thrush” I think, “She’s clearly got a really nasty bout of thrush.” Other than the hobble, she looks entirely normal."

Once in the room, she explains who she is, who Dr Ray is, and how they would be going about things. She ask her about her sexual history, whether she has children etc. The woman said me she’s been married for 20 years and has young children. She hasn’t slept with anybody else since getting married. 

"“So what brings you here today, Mrs T?” the student asked. 

“Well” she begins, shifting her position and wincing, “I was playing with my son’s dinosaur, and it’s stuck.”

"“OK, Mrs T, but why are you in the sexual health clinic today?” I continue, somewhat bemused.

“It’s stuck,” she repeats, giving me a pointed look.

"There is a long pause, the penny’s still in the air for me, but I can see the outline of Dr Ray’s shoulders silently heaving as he contains his giggles.

“I’m still not quite with you. Can you elaborate on that please?” I ask.

“It’s a T-Rex,” she adds. She gestures helplessly towards her crotch and looks stricken.

“It’s stuck.” The penny finally drops."

The student nurse was able to retrieve a 5cm toy dinosaur, made in China, from the woman's vagina with a forceps. 

"Rexy had managed to get lodged so when looking toward the cervix using a speculum you could just see his head and front claws above this anatomical parapet.

"One of the best sentences I have ever uttered as a nurse, scratch that, one of the best sentences I’ve ever said", she writes, "is: “I don’t advise inserting children’s toys during sexual activity, however if you do choose to masturbate with a toy dinosaur, I recommend buying your own, and perhaps putting it in a condom, or tying a leash to its foot.”