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Porn viewers to be charged extra under new 'TV licence' scheme

Porn habits are going to get expensive
Porn habits are going to get expensive

Irish porn viewers are set to be hit hard as the new 'TV Licence' scheme will see them get spanked with extra charges.

Earlier this week it was revealed that proposals were being finalised that would see the €160 annual licence fee charge applied to electronic devices with screen sizes above 11 inches.

That brings desktops, laptops and large tablets under the scheme, meaning the old excuse of not having a TV would no longer exempt people from the charge.

However, a leaked document on the new scheme obtained by the Sunday World shows that the scheme will also monitor what viewers watch on these devices, with those who indulge in some x-rated content set to be hit with stiff extra charges.

According to the secret memo, produced by international media consultants Flopsoy Radial, porn viewers use much of the precious broadband space in the country and those that view erotic entertainment will need to pay the most in the new scheme. 

Like the failed Irish Water scheme, initially everyone with a device deemed to be a 'TV' under the new laws will pay the €160 flat fee but once frequent porn users are discovered then they will be hit with an extra fee, or handling charge.

This so-called 'self-service charge' would see cash flow in from a very different type of one-armed bandits, even if the porn stars themselves never get to see the cash.

Spokesperson for the Adult Film Distributors (AFD) April Slyofado told the Sunday World that if the scheme is introduced, it would only be fair if the money actually went to those on screen.

"We've heard how much Fair City actors get paid and we think we are entitled to just as much as them," she said. "We are being taken for a ride."

How the extra charges would be collected is not clear in the report though the consultants suggest, surely tongue in cheek, that a 'w*** bank' could be set up in Ireland to take deposits.

While nobody in the relevant government departments would speak on the record, an anonymous source told us that the principle of 'pay to play' and 'pay per view' had long been debated in GAA circles and now the State was about to introduce something similar to porn viewing.

"Look," the man with thick-rimmed glasses and hairy hands told us "nobody wants to bring this in, Leinster House is full of w***ers of all political persuasions.

"But we have to pay for the bloody TV somehow so if it means going after the bishop bashers and Miss Daisy diddlers then so be it."

When asked if this would just drive pervy viewers underground, our man said no, as 4G and Wi-fi down there would be terrible.