ColumnistsPaddy Murray

Hard to break code of stupidity...yet we can always deliver

Liam Duggan and Alex White
Liam Duggan and Alex White

Post codes. How did we manage without them? Postmen never seemed to have a problem.

Or Amazon. Or eBay. Or any of our stores.

Still. We need postcodes.

Apparently, 35 per cent of Irish addresses share that address with at least one other property. This, it seems, is confusing for delivery people. 

Obviously, it’s dead easy to mix up, say, Number 23, Oak Lawn, Killybegs, Co. Donegal with Number 23 Oak Lawn, Rathmnines, Dublin 6. Isn’t it?

Anyway the thing about post codes is that they have X and Y co-ordinates, I heard the man say. Sure, you couldn’t find O’Connell Street without X and Y co-ordinates.

“Eh, what are X and Y co-ordinates sir?”

“Important, that’s what the man said. He said ‘important’ five times. So they must be, eh, important.”

“But what are they sir?”

“Well, X and Y co-ordinates have to do with Lat and Long?”

“Sir, sir?”

“Yes Murray.”

“What are Lat and Long sir?”

“Latitude and Longitude Murray.”

“Why are they better than my address?”

“Because Murray, you dimwit, they find the centroid of your house.”

“Sir, I think we still have an outside centroid in our house.”

“Funny man, Murray. Look. I’ll get all the information and send it to you.”

“Do you want my address sir?

“That’s it, Murray, out smartarse. You’re for the biffer.”

Emergency services don’t like this code. FedEx, DHL, UPS, Pallet Express, and BOC Ireland won’t use it. 

It doesn’t work with Google Maps or Sat Nav systems. 50,000 addresses are missing because they are in our native language. 

This took €29m and 10 years. I think I’ll write and complain. Block C, Maynooth Business Campus, Maynooth, Co. Kildare. Oh wait. Sure they’ll never find it if I don’t put W23 F854 on the end…