ColumnistsDaragh Keany

I am officially announcing my wedding retirement

Daragh KeanyBy Daragh Keany
I am officially announcing my wedding retirement

I have waited four or five years to say this… drum roll please… are you ready?

I have just attended the last of my mates’ weddings and it feels amazing. And what a way to go out

I love a good wedding but Jesus H Christ I’ve had enough of them.

The 12 months between 2011 and 2012 were definitely the worst years.

Eight weddings and five stags in one calendar year was taxing on my liver, my wallet and my patience. 

There was Croatia, Sweden, Boston, Las Vegas, Portugal and a few around Ireland. There were stags in Berlin, the Alps, Edinburgh, Bristol, Nottingham, Leeds, Manchester, Liverpool, Cork, Galway, the Aran Islands, Bath, Sligo, Belfast and too many in Dublin to even remember.

They’ve all been great, but someone stick a fork in me because I am done! 

On Friday, my mate Hendo married Alice, in one of the most stunning weddings I’ve ever been at, on the south coast of England near where they live.

It was a fitting end to a list of weddings that easily ran past 60 or even 70 since I walked up the aisle myself back in June 2006. 

The amount of suit trousers that were ruined by knee slides or excessive dancing and the amount of shirts and ties that were ruined by spilt drinks or puke would clothe a small country.

I’ve spent thousands of euro on the different weddings, but I never went to a bad one. 

Now I am looking forward to my wedding retirement, where I plan on living vicariously through others on Facebook and Twitter. 

All I have to look forward to now are christenings, but that is okay. I am ready for the next stage of my life. 

I have lived, loved and laughed over the last decade and now I want to stop for a while before making my big comeback on the previously untapped 40th birthday circuit.

Let’s do this!