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Film Review: Ted's back and he's ballsier than ever

MoviesBy Eugene Masterson
Ted 2 has some laugh out-loud moments but it loses momentum towards the end
Ted 2 has some laugh out-loud moments but it loses momentum towards the end

​THE main star of Ted 2 may on the outset seem lovable and cuddly, but as we learned when he first burst onto our cinema screens three years ago, you won’t get more lewd and crude than this roguish teddy-bear.

Though the novelty factor of the original has disappeared, the return of foul-mouthed Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) and his best buddy John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) is a welcome one. 
 
This deliciously puerile comedy begins after our furry friend (who came to life after a childhood wish by John) and his new wife Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth) are denied the chance to adopt a baby and Ted must prove in a court of law that he’s an actual person.
 
But before they even think of adopting, Ted comes up with the idea of getting a sperm donor, seeing as he himself can’t impregnate his wife due to not having a human penis.
 
Cue all sorts of mayhem in their hometown of Boston as Ted and John embark on a journey to find much-needed sperm to make the new baby. They decide to break into the home of one stunningly handsome man’s mansion to retrieve some ‘jizz’ while he sleeps.
 
Most Irish people won’t recognise the victim, but in fact he’s one of America’s most famous faces: American football’s highest-paid player, Tom Brady of the New England Patriots, who’s married to gorgeous supermodel Gisele Bundchen.
 
Let’s just say that the gruesome twosome’s attempts at masturbating the quarterback and reliving him of some precious protein shake don’t go exactly as planned.
 
Generous John offers to donate his swimmers at a local sperm bank, which leads to the most hilarious scene in the film when he takes a wrong turn and ends up in a bit of a mess, which at this stage we’ll leave to your imagination.
 
There are also a couple of funny cameos from the likes of Liam Neeson, Jay Leno and Amanda Seyfried as bungling, bong-loving lawyer Samantha. 
 
After getting lost in a huge marijuana field, Ted, John and Samantha head to New York to convince Morgan Freeman’s super-dooper lawyer Patrick Meighan to take on their case.
 
The storyline and humour begin to wane towards the end, though.
 
In an unnecessary and confusing subplot, creepy Donny (Giovanni Ribisi), who in the first film nearly killed Ted, is back. He is selling toy company Hasbro on an idea to kidnap Ted and carve him up to discover the secret to why he talks so they can  duplicate him millions of times over for everyone who ever wanted the kind of friendship John and Ted have. 
 
It all comes to a head at Comic-Con, where disaster strikes again.
 
There are also a couple of great musical numbers, including an opening wedding scene to Irving Berlin’s Steppin Out With My Baby, while Seyfried — who is no stranger to singing given her history with Mamma Mia! — is tipped to win the film an Oscar for her track Mean Ol Moon.
 
Verdict: 3/5